STAR WARS: THE CLOWN WARS

You wouldn’t believe how wound up about this I am.

Yesterday I saw the last film I am going to see from the dreaded “CGI Animal Factory”.
Since about 1995 every question about movies was answered by “Oh, we did it on a computer”.
Here are some examples,
“How did you animate the ballroom scene in Beauty and the Beast?”
“Oh, we did it on computer”

“How did you manage to make the magic carpet in Aladdin?”
“Oh, we did it on computer”
So on and so forth.
Anyone with a DVD collection and handful of DISC Twos, all will be full of “Oh, we did it on computer” style answers.

Then the Hollywood studios thought “F*** it. Do it all on computer.”
“Toy Story” was the first completely CGI movie. It was well written and was unique concept and could not have been done in any other way due to the plastic-ness of CGI at the time.
Traditional animation continues till the turn of the century then Hollywood began defecating CGI movies by the truckload. Some were well written but all could have been done by a talented artists drawing the witty cats and other happy smiley creatures by hand.

I bet thousands of talented artist get refused jobs for Disney now because they don’t want people that can use pens, paint and acetate, this is now becoming such a lost art. Not in Japan however, their anime industry is booming and continues to put some awesome stories out to the wider world. A personal favourite is “Steam Boy”

Back to Hollywood characters. Why are they are producing such dumb jar headed animals.
“I want a movie about penguins”
“Here’s one”
“That looks too much like a penguin. Now f*** up its face, gives it more expression that way you see kid's will f***ing love it.
Then I want movie with a zebra in it.”

The final straw came yesterday when I booked a day off work for the new Star Wars movie as I always do for Star Wars. Anyone that knows me or has read previous posts knows that “I Love Star Wars”. I love its continuity, I love its causality, I love its accessibility for all ages and above all I love its characters.

I should have gotten the hint when a trailer came on before hand for “Madagascar 2 Escape from the CGI animal factory” or something along those lines. But I digress slightly a the “Clone Wars was an Atrocious movie.

But the Younglings with ADHD in the audience seemed to love the movie, with all its “sustained peril” and bright flashy lights. So maybe it is just a kids film but star wars is supposed to be good for adults too, nearly three generations have grew up with Star Wars over the past 30 plus years with the exception of a few crazy old hermits. So to alienate this crowd of loyal fans was a travesty in itself.

The plot was non existent. There was no explored character arch of Anakin’s dark side there was very little Anakin and Obi-Wan style team work. Which I have always expected to see. From what I have read in the Clone Wars comics that these pair were nigh on invincible during the war between the Confederacy and the Republic.

Instead the film centres on Anakin’s apprentice. Yes an apprentice. You know the most important point in a Jedi knight’s career. And in this case the most important Jedi’s career, you know the apprentice omitted from “Revenge Of The Sith.”
I would have expected a mention of this character even if it was fleeting in episode III.

George Lucas nearly did himself a mischief in the seventies producing the first Star Wars film, due to the stresses it entailed in producing a movie practically on his own. Now he’s pumped one out for the summer holidays without trying. Even though he said the Skywalker story is done.
Even though there are many other interesting Jedi he could have focused on such without interfering with the cannon, such as Mace Windu, Kitt Fisto, Ki Adi Mundi. or even Jar Jar Binks would not have been out of place in this movie.

I’ve had enough of CGI movies.
Movies in general are dying on their asses Video games will take over soon.
I don’t know how you can produce a video game tie-in for a fraction of the cost and charge 8 times as much as a standard cinema ticket. A game which contains more story, a longer run time and is more engaging. I think someone’s missing a trick here.