FAKES.

It’s Official. Avril Lavigne has left that multi-million dollar industry of pretending to be a rock star.

I was never fooled by her act why were you?

Avril first burst on the scene around 2002 in my country with the aptly titled single “Complicated”.

Her persona was that of an aggressive teen rock chick with a voice like a honking bicycle horn.

Blatantly marketed to toward the young teens particularly “emo” kids that are just beginning to experiment with masturbation and self-harm. Avril Lavigne gave them a lot to think about.

Her second single showed the world just how talented she was “sk8er Boi” was brilliant as it was a true representation of her grasp of the English language and her lyrical genius. Rhyming “boy” with, well “boy” shows true Shakespearian ability.

Then she sang a song about being stood up on a date, this made me laugh so much “It’s a damn cold night”

“Well there is snow on the ground and you are wearing your three-quarter length shorts, no wonder you have been stood up. Bet you have done nothing but whinge all day”.

Then she was in a video wearing nothing but her tiny knickers and a vest. It looked like she was desperate for attention, even though it’s the wrong sort of attention.

Shortly after she gets married to one of the guys from “SUM 41”.

Then comes back on the music scene dressed like some sort of Barbie doll, now sporting bleached blonde hair and dance routines, clearly cashing in on the bald Brittany market now, asking if she can be you girlfriend. Well considering I wouldn’t even get a second hand SUM 41 album, I would certainly not have one of their wives second hand.

You’ll never find Mike’s Soapbox faking, Avril.

I’m sick of musicians pretending that they are something they are not.

The “Rasmus” is an annoying culprit, selling us semi-dark imagery with in its lyrics with simple power chord chugged out again.

With black clothes and pale faces, you’d think Mike’s Soapbox would enjoy the “Rasmus” you’d be so wrong.

Their song that gained notoriety in my country was “In The Shadows” damn this song was annoying. Selling cliché lyrics again. If you want a dark song this is how you do it, you change one word in the chorus from “I've been watching, I've been waitin
In the shadows for my time” to “I’ve been watching, I’ve been waiting in the BUSHES” etc. Now the song is 80% darker.

Oh its too dark now isn’t it. You don’t like it, do you?

So here’s a tip for you if you don’t like the dark side stay away from it. Why is it cool to be dark? A true bringer of light knows the darkness and moves beyond it.

My advice is don’t be a faker, you will be found out, by me.

For more about emo kids go to Becky’s Rant.

"The Flying Kipper" (Loose Change)

Mike’s Soapbox is forming a pressure group to jail, a railway baron facing charges of corruption, industrial and criminal negligence.

I am of course talking of the Island of Sodor’s number one millionaire playboy, Sir Topham Hatt. But as many crime lords in his position he goes by the name of “the Fat Controller".

In the year of 1984 alone there were a total of five recorded derailments of engines. No fatalities were recorded. The Island of Sodor is a small railway but has its own breakdown train, which is only usually utilised on larger rail networks.

Lets use engine number 3 as a case study. The engine's name is Henry.

Henry is a 4-6-0 steam locomotive; which was built a firebox that was too small. so it could not generate the heat and therefore steam needed to pull the excessive loads asked of it.

In 1984 engineers were heavily involved in Henry’s case. Often a side tank engine named Thomas would pull his train when the platform crew remembered to couple Thomas to his train that is.

Henry’s driver and fireman, facing redundancy, pleaded to try a newer better quality coal as the Fat Controller’s railway had a tendency to cut corners, cheap coal was one of his tactics.

He eventually relented stating that “It’s expensive, but Henry must be given a fair chance.”
Welsh coal was imported, to help Henry. Henry seemed to get better.

In the late autumn of 1984 he was asked to pull a train that is normally taken by the larger 4-6-2 tender engine named Gordon. The train was called the “flying kipper it was to take fish from the harbour and deliver them around the island, under the cover of darkness.

On this particular night heavy snow had fell, and due to “faulty” signals a points Henry crashed in a siding off the mainline and was derailed. It was a miracle no one was hurt.

Shortly after the sun rose Sir Topham Hatt appeared and announced that “ Ice and Snow caused the accident.” Really? No need for public inquiry then? The man is clearly a law unto himself.

He then sends Henry away to be mended in Crewe, he would get a new shape a new firebox and he wouldn’t need special/expensive coal anymore.

Henry was clearly a victim of insurance fraud and sabotage, and all because an engine wasn’t efficient enough. lives were put at risk.

The second case study is of a 2-6-0 mixed traffic engine called James. James was derailed on his first day after pulling a goods train. Eyewitnesses saw his brake blocks on fire. James had wooden brake blocks when purchased for the Sodor rail fleet. It was only a matter of time before an accident occurred; again it was a miracle that no one was killed.

This is a case of negligence with the use of substandard, outdated and down right unsafe parts. The driver and fireman of James had always said that “they were no good.” clearly there concerns were ignored. James came to rest in a field and there were reports the cows gave sour milk from stress for years after. The farmer went out business.

Ever since 1984 there has been incident after incident on the Sodor railways.

I believe there should be a public inquiry into the railways on sodor.

Sir Topham Hatt should also be brought to justice before a death occurs.