How Mike Saved Christmas.

There is now ONLY 89 shopping days left till Christmas.
So get yourselves out to the shops and buy some useless bit of gubbins for that special friend or relative that you don’t bother with for 364 days of the year.

Whether you like it or not you have to do this. If you don’t you’ll feel cheap. What happens if they buy you something you didn’t want or need this year. You know this because the same thoughts crept into your head last year.

Lets get something straight, as clearly most of the population of my country do not know this, but this is really irrelevant, as these same people would never read my blog.

Christmas day is the Christian festival that originates back to around two thousand years ago. Yes this is a geological blink of an eye, but some religious types feel that it holds some significance to them and we must bend over backwards to appease them at all costs.

Well apparently two thousand years ago a fourteen year old girl who got pregnant by a man that was not her husband. And told her husband an angel did it. Now I myself would search the village for this Gabriel with the intention of smashing his bones out.

Well after a little persuasion Mary travelled to Bethlehem on a donkey with her “Forest Gump” of a husband. Only to find out that they should have booked ahead, as there was no room in the inn. The innkeeper didn’t throw out one of his other customers and saying “Wait this woman is heavily pregnant and needs a bed.” No, he did the right thing and let the little chav sleep in the stable.

Amazingly three men arrived by coincidence, proclaiming that they were really wise or something, and gave the supposed son of the almighty material possessions such as gold, frankincense and the other thing, of which were of absolute no use to the Son of God, as he thinks he created them anyway. Really wise men you see.

Ever since this night a new faith has dominated the planet Christianity, and now because of the daft events of December 25th everyone buys everyone material gifts that mean nothing to the person receiving such items. And about a week before Christmas day people feel the need to cut down and kill an evergreen tree and bring it indoors out of its natural environment, to let it decompose in our lounge.

My advice is if you don’t believe in Christianity don’t celebrate Christmas.

If you are going to spend money on a gift make sure you care about the person enough to know that the gift will be useful.

Christmas day is celebrated on the 25th of December, not a day before.

Christmas is not spelled X-mas.

This is how Mike saved Christmas.