Mike's Soapbox

2010: The Year We Did Nothing Special.

2009-11-05T18:43:00.010Z

Prologue:

Firstly I would like to sincerely apologise to my loyal readers of MikesSoapBox.co.uk as this is my first post since February.

I have pondered greatly as to why this is. I have been very busy lately with other projects. Burning issues of the day, just haven't angered me as much as they used to I guess. Maybe apathy has finally set in and things just do not surprise me any more.

I mean who knew that all the MPs were on the Fiddle? And were you really surprised that your two pound t-shirt from Primark was made from child labour?

Please accept this belated post as an apology and my thanks for your patience in this matter.

Part One:

It is nearly 2010 and nearly nine years into the new millennium (yes nine. Look it up). And nearly two thousand year ago people supposedly nailed a man to a cross for speaking out against how the populous was living their lives. I am in no way comparing myself to the martyred individual of dogmatic fiction. Just merely pointing out that mankind has a tendency to dislike being informed that they maybe wrong.

Part Two:

Thousands of years before they nailed a man to the cross. Mankind made a tool. And once it was perfected. The idea remained. A weight on a stick.

Genius.

The possibilities were limitless for the weighted stick. It could be used to hit prey and eat it as food, destroy competitors or even hit other weights and sticks to make more specialised weighted sticks and then make the computer.

Now the computer is amazing. Never before has mankind chased its tail like a demented canine for a technology so imperfect and so imperfect-able. It permeates every aspect of our modern society. So much so that we have not done anything laudable as a species for about thirty years.

Everyone, myself included has been too concerned with shuffling little bits of virtual information about to realise that there are too many of us and soon there will be no one left with the practical know how to save us from ourselves.

Part Three:

I grew up reading works of great science fiction. Authors of yesteryear like Isaac Asimov promised us all that the 21^st century would be the future. It is nearly 2010 and I want my flying car and holidays to the moon.

Two of my favourite authors passed away in the past two years Sir Arthur Charles Clarke and Michael Crichton.

Both had stunning visions of the future and could see where we were going with this new found virtual ability.

The 1968 movie/novel “2001: A Space Odyssey” saw Frank Poole and David Bowman sitting next to each other watching identical broadcasts on separate screens. The Audience of the late sixties got the joke. Meanwhile the student house-mates of today do not realise there is a joke to be had, as they ignore each other's blank yet illuminated faces.

In Michael Crichton's 1995 novel “The Lost World”, is more about behaviour than dinosaurs. In the book Maverick mathematician Dr Ian Malcolm speaks of the dangers of the internet.

“personally, I think cyberspace means

the end of our species."

"Yes? Why is that?"

"Because it means the end of innovation," Malcolm said. "This idea

that the whole world is wired together is mass death. Every biologist

knows that small groups in isolation evolve fastest. You put a thousand

birds on an ocean island and they'll evolve very fast. You put ten

thousand on a big continent, and their evolution slows down. Now, for

our own species, evolution occurs mostly through our behaviour. We

innovate new behaviour to adapt. And everybody on earth knows that

innovation only occurs in small groups. Put three people on a committee

and they may get something done. Ten people, and it gets harder. Thirty

people, and nothing happens. Thirty million, it becomes impossible.

That's the effect of mass media - it keeps anything from happening. Mass

media swamps diversity. It makes every place the same. Bangkok or Tokyo

or London: there's a McDonald's on one corner, a Benneton on another, a

Gap across the street. Regional differences vanish. All differences

vanish. In a mass-media world, there's less of everything except the top

ten books, records, movies, ideas. People worry about losing species

diversity in the rain forest. But what about intellectual diversity -

our most necessary resource? That's disappearing faster than trees. But

we haven't figured that out, so now we're planning to put five billion

people together in cyberspace. And it'll freeze the entire species.

Everything will stop dead in its tracks. Everyone will think the same

thing.”

Part Four:

A bad workman always blames his tools.

What does a good workman do with his?

Stroke them, compare them with his friends tools, be inseparable from them and make sure they never leaves their side.

Of course I am talking about masturbatory mobiles and other “Touchy-Feely Technology” like the iPhone.

Too many of my friends have them now.

No. I am not jealous either. I have a mobile phone that has lasted me three years, and was about four years ahead of the market when I bought it.

Now I just sit in the pub with friends as they stroke and shake their “apps” at each other.

“This ones Awesome. I can calculate the Bill at a restaurant”

“Oh Right. You mean like a fuckin' calculator.”

The user is invited to caress the phone as you scroll through your cherished memories like photo albums and music play lists.

I just feel and inherent danger of getting too intimate with such a tool. Even though it will never be as advanced as the next iPhone.

The iPhone is not really robust enough to be called a tool either. I have seen lots of depressed users with a gaudy spider webs across the screen of their “must have possession”, it having failed to survive the most human of all experiences, the fall to earth.

We live in a twenty four hour society we are too busy. Technology should update itself. We are almost there.

My web browser did it all on its own the other day. “Who's a clever web browser?” (sarcastically stroking laptop)

One day we would only need a keyboard, Mouse and a viewing device. These can be built to last. Their designs haven't changed much in thirty years essentially, so why not. Everything else we do on computers can wirelessly done elsewhere over the internet. You would never have to worry about ROM or RAM or whether sixty Gigabytes is quite enough memory for your photos, music and game saves.

The concept is coming soon, but only if you let it.

Epilogue:

Approximately one thousand nine hundred and sixty years after they nailed a man to a cross, another walked on the moon.

Sadly we have never be so far from home since.

"My God. It's full of stars!"

2009-02-18T19:22:00.007Z

Just a short post reacting to the news that two Space Agencies, that are normally competing with each other are joining forces. Their goal is to get to Jupiter. More importantly the Ice World Europa, which is one of its natural satellites(moons).
Now I have heard this story before, in Sir Arthur C. Clarke's novel 2010. It doesn't go that well.

Although it won't launch until 2020 it will not reach its destination until 9 years later. A whole 19 years after we should already be there.

Well in the novel and its movie adaptation. Europa has life. The hyper advanced race which are only personified by their 1x4x9 black featurless monoliths encourage the life turning Jupiter into a dwarf star (which Jupiter actually is close to becoming). Earth then has two suns and mankind receives its first message from an extra terrestrial intelligence transmitted through the HAL 9000.

ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE. ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE. ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE. ALL THESE WORLDS ARE YOURS EXCEPT EUROPA. ATTEMPT NO LANDINGS THERE.....

I'm sure nothing will happen, but you never know.

I would however, like to offer ideas for naming the crafts NASA/ESA would send to jupiter..

LEONOV
DISCOVERY
BOWMAN
FLOYD
ARTHUR C. CLARK
ODYSSEY
LUCIFER
TMA-1

But please don't call it the TSIEN.

Use them together. Use them in peace.

Light @ The End Of The Tunnel

2009-02-18T16:54:00.020Z

The present is bleak. For proof just look out of your window or turn on the news.
Wars, recession, corruption, erosion of civil liberties and moral decline.
That's the general population for you. What about the rest?
Scientists, inventors, writers, readers, and the freethinkers of the world. You know who you are and you are not alone.
Today the web is an ubiquitous tool for the masses. Navigation of the web has been made easy by Google and Microsoft. Only if you ask it the right question.
But what if you want to do more than search for other peoples creations? What if you want to create something yourself? Something to share with the global community. What If you don't know where to begin?
Help is on hand in the form of new earth online.
It is a website controlled by an old college friend of mine, and throughout the years I have known him, he has always been a big science, technology and media guru. This was when the internet was in its relative infancy towards the end of the end of the last century.
The website helps software and web based developers get to grips with the technology and technique of new hardware and software, and guides people from humble beginnings to a more advanced level.
Admittedly my blog is still in its proto-form. I wish to expand sometime in the future and a lot of the tech-jargon that comes with the web development has stopped me before I have even gotten started, so this will help me.
Its not all about development either. As a sort of tea break from the seemingly endless coding, there are many informative movie reviews. Encompassing all genres of cinema from Manga to mainstream. The site offers many informative reviews of new software products, for those that are never sure whether to download something, and want a second opinion even though Google says that it is the best thing since sliced bread.
Recent posts include online security. Making sure you choose the right password. In an internet that always asks you to register before you do anything.

So even though the old world is crashing and crunching. A New Earth is forming and there are people like this offering us a helping hand into the twenty-first century.

The Lost World: Found

2009-02-13T19:04:00.002Z

Any one that knows me will know that I am a nut for dinosaurs and other prehistoric life.

And anyone that know that, and has enough knowledge of the subject to engage me in debate will know that I have been staunchly reluctant to accept that dinosaurs evolved into bird even though there is evidence to prove otherwise all be it sparse and fragmented. I have accepted the school of thought however an not dismissed the notion that a group as diverse as dinosaurs, could contain a species that had the potential to evolve into a group as diverse as birds.

This post is dedicated to the Naturalist Charles Darwin who would be celebrating his 200^th birthday this month. His ground breaking theory of evolution by natural section is the reason why we don't all look the same and why a lot of us are more than just a couple of microns in diameter.

This post is not a rant as to why birds are not dinosaurs. Actually I would like to announce that I am now thoroughly convinced that birds do have a dinosaurian ancestry. This post is not about that either.

How close do you think we are to recreating them? Dinosaurs I mean. You know, bringing them back to life.

The answer is very close and I'm not talking about going the whole insects trapped in amber route.

It is unfortunately not common knowledge that there are more animals that have had it's genome mapped than just humans. There is a myriad of plants, animals, fungi and even viruses with genomes mapped. The chimpanzee, the brown rat, the platypus, brewers yeast (which was the first genome to be mapped) and the Chicken. A bird. A descendant from from dinosaurs perhaps. Still I was unconvinced at this point. However I had heard of reverse engineering before.

Reverse engineering is when you search the genome for genes that are still present in the DNA strand from a previous incarnation. So in theory you could find the very single celled life form that everything evolved from. Which fascinates me a lot.

Well they did this with a chicken. They actually did this, not are doing, or even thinking about doing. They did it.

Scientists took a chickens embryo and using proteins, reactivated genes for tail growth. Knowing that chickens only have a small number of bones in its tail, you could understand the astonishment to the geneticists to find that not only the tail was nearly three times as long but contained new bones too. The embryo had made a tail from memory as if it had never not had one.

Next they tried to create teeth in the jaws, using the same technique, success here too. With gene sequencing technology in its adolescence at the moment it will not be long before mankind could revive a small therapod.

This causes an ethical debate, which is the fluffiest sort of debate because no one is really wrong.

Since the discovery of the first dinosaurs in England during the early nineteenth century scientists and the general populous has been hungry for knowledge of these monsters. So to recreate one would answer a lot of the questions, but not. The animal would only react to our environment not the environment of over sixty five million years ago, it could only consume today's prey. It could not behave the exactly the same.

Another great character who liked to dress all in black and talk about the ethics of bringing dinosaurs back to life was Dr Ian Malcolm in the Jurassic Park books and movies.

He made a very impressive speech round the dining table in the 1993 movie Jurassic park, which is one of the most profound things I have ever heard to date, granted it was lost on the majority of the audience who went to see monsters chase people, and only giggled “he said rape.” in response.

I urge you all to revisit this movie and especially this scene.

I would love to have questions about dinosaurs answering once and for all.

What colour were they? Did they have feathers? Were they, what we call warm blooded?

One of my own what did they taste like? Chicken?

For Charles Darwin.

Highlander II: There Should Have Been Only One

2009-02-08T12:43:00.002Z

I don't want to get in the habit of doing movie reviews, as that is not what Mikes Soapbox is all about. I feel this should be shared with you all, so I have decided to do one.

In 1986 on of my all time favourite films was released. Highlander, a story about immortals living among us in secret, battling through the millennia until one remains. The only way to kill an immortal is by decapitation, and the most efficient method is by sword. Most immortals go by the name of their origin the Highlander from Scotland, and the Kurgan from Russia.

The movie tell the story of Connor McLeod played by Christopher Lambert. Who was born in Scotland in 1518 and has been kicking about in different countries and using different names ever since.

The movie opens with a page of dialogue told by Sean Connery who also stars in the movie.

From the dawn of time we came. Moving silently, down through the centuries. Living many secret lives. Struggling to reach the time of the gathering, when the few who remain will battle to the last.

No one has ever know we were among you..... until now.

Then something amazing happens....

QUEEN

The sound track was made by Queen, and classical score by the late Michael Kamen. Something that has never really been done before in a film based around historical period and has been imitated badly many times since. Take the Immersion breaking soundtrack of “A knights Tale.”

Queen's 1986 album A kind Of Magic is essentially the Highlander Soundtrack.

I digress.

After countless years of fighting the gathering is upon the few remaining immortals. There are now four left and they all have “An irresistible pull to a far away land” the land of New York in 1986.

The public is frightened about the spate of murders of foreign nationals involving decapitations and the police are “baffled”.

They fight until only one remains, that one becomes mortal and receives the prize. The prize is ultimate knowledge.

After the prize is my number one scariest bad guy ever to grace the movie screen. Forget Darth Vader. Forget the Terminator. The Mike's Soapbox award for being truly inconsolably evil and malicious goes to “The Kurgan” his real name is never really known perhaps he is so old that he has forgotten. the Kurgans were an ancient people, from Russia. A seven-foot tall savage brute with a broadsword, and the most nasty gravelly voice, that could only come from Clancy Brown.

He is the strongest of all the Immortals. One immortal only goes on living, to stop him claiming the prize, Connor McLeod.

The fight, an epic sword fight in an old warehouse, where the Kurgan is slain, and the reluctant hero claims the prize, and wants to use his knowledge to save humanity.

The movie is a kind of magic.

In 1992 its sequel was released after many delays budget cuts and script re writes. Highlander II the Quickening was released. The Quickening was briefly mentioned in the first film by Connors mentor Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez. Played by Sean Connery. The Quickening is an energy felt and shared by all Immortals.

The film opens with a futuristic glimpse of 1999.Yes I know. My Chronologies, but bear with this for a minute.

The Ozone layer is knackered and a team of top scientist and engineers lead by Connor McLeod to build an electromagnetic shield over the earth to protect it from the suns rays. 25 years later Connor McLeod is an old man living in cliché world of a deteriorating society and goes to the opera.

During this trip the movie takes a nosedive, falls through huge plot-holes and faceplants for another eighty minutes.

Connor McLeod is well known from the first film for spending a good portion of his time reminiscing of his past, friends and love ones and assures most that he would not forget them.

Well it turns out that after having ultimate knowledge for the best part of forty years, a voice in his head informs him that he is from another planet.

The planet Zeist to be exact. A planet with an evil dictator general Katana. Now the Highlander franchise has begun it can have its own reoccurring themes in true Sesame Street fashion. Today's immoral bad guy is brought to you by the letter K. McLeod and friend Ramerez are both exiled to the Earth for being rebels. The act of sending them to Earth causes them to become immortal. Sort of like sending English criminals to beautiful Australia. What sort of punishment is that?

Long and short of it Katana sends more exiles to kill off McLeod, failing, Mcleod becomes young again (somehow) and flies on a hover board and revives his long dead friend Ramerez (somehow) fully clothed in Scotland.

Katana exiles himself to earth and upsets a few people by driving a subway train at 400mph (somehow) and enrols himself in the company controlling the shield protecting the earth from harmful UV rays.

Meet Louise Marcus. A young attractive eco-warrior/terrorist running a group called Cobalt. She discovers that the shield is no longer needed and the Ozone layer has repaired itself (somehow) and the shield corporation is price fixing every country to keep the shield active. She goes to find the shield's creator our man Connor McLeod, he's just come out of a bar called RAP with some of its lettering stolen from the OPERA he's just visited. It is at this point where Katana’s assassins attack and after Connor decapitates two strangers and becomes 35 years younger, Louise Marcus and Connor kiss (for some reason), unless you have a copy of the Renegade Edition in which they have short, rough sexual intercourse in the alleyway where two corpses lay (again for some reason).

Lets talk about the Renegade Edition. It is nearly thirty minutes longer with added, and unnecessary scenes added and all references to the Planet Zeist are omitted. And the origins of the immortals are “a very long time ago” in a time where mankind had derelict spaceships and rifles (somehow). There would have had fewer plot holes if they were from the future, and then the time lines could have been less tangled. Because in their past you can see the future events on screen. Wouldn't it be more logical to view them retrospectively? If you have seen this version you would understand, but I don't want to advertise this awful movie.

The director Russell Mulcahy was so unhappy with the final release he wanted to change his directorial credit to Alan Smythie but was threatened with legal action if he did. He even walked out after 15 minutes of its premier too.

So the Renegade Edition was a chance to clear his name and save the movie.

Nice try but you cannot polish shit.

The True Phantom Menace

2009-01-17T19:56:00.013Z

In 1997, after the resounding success of the Star Wars Trilogy Special Editions in cinemas, the genius that was George Lucas announced that he would make three new Star Wars films these became known as the Prequel Trilogy.
In the summer of 1999 every Star Wars fan was out in force, filling cinemas across the planet. Many had taken their children inspiring a new generation of Star Wars fans. Many even went to see what the Hype was about and had no knowledge of these legendary movies. I was one of the latter.

A long time a go in a galaxy far, far away..... “OK. Why are people next to me getting fidgety.”
“Whoa. Nice, but I wish people would stop clapping so I could read this.”
"Episode I: The Phantom Menace......."

Needless to say at the age of Sixteen this movie changed my life. Within a few months I was well versed in all the customs, and conversations that most average Star Wars fans have ,when conversations inevitably turn to Star Wars. You know the ones I mean.

One such Conversation happened down the pub a few years ago. Some people were debating the meaning of the title “The Phantom Menace”. Interesting I thought, as I had never really paid it much mind, even though I did question the seriousness of the title of Episode II. If you were around in 2002 and a Star Wars fan you'll know what a furore that caused.

This blog is about the meaning of the “Title Phantom Menace”.
Who is it? Or even, what is it?
“Darth Vader” is what most people say who have only seen bits of the saga. Fair point though. Anakin, although young and innocent in this film does indeed grow up to be a big menace and at the end of the movie, after the end credits there is a short blast of Darth Vader's Breathing apparatus.
Fans who read those credits and found out that Ian McDiarmid played Senator Palpatine in Episode I also played the Emperor in Episode VI “The Return Of The Jedi”. So maybe Senator Palpatine was the phantom menace because he would become the evil Emperor.
Another candidate was the Sith Order as a whole. Now to me, this one seemed more plausible at the time.
The Sith reveal themselves to the Jedi in the form of a stealthy attack on the planet of Tatooine. A tattooed Zabrack called Darth Maul (aptly named too) chases down Qui Gon Jinn and young Anakin in the outskirts of Mos Espa. It was the first time any Jedi had seen a red bladed lightsaber for over a thousand years.
The Jedi conclude that there must be a second Sith Lord. A master for the Apprentice.
Darth Sidious was that master. A character, who's actor is uncredited and remains hidden from the Jedi (if not the fans) until the third film.

Now with after seeing all the completed films in order, and with the benefit of hindsight. I can answer the question: Who, or What is the phantom menace?
None of the above.
Yes. Undoubtedly the Emperor is evil beyond evil. But who got him there?
Who has the Anti-Midas touch?
Who is a menace to himself and others?

The answer to all the above is Jar Jar Binks.
“Who. Meeesa?”
Sighs “Yes, You.”
A Gungan so idiotic, George Lucas named him twice, just so you'd remember him.
Gungans are sort of a semi amphibious camel-cow type species, and this one is the most clumsy.
Even his own species banished him, and in the latest clone wars series he was described as “A plague” after demolishing two heavily armoured pirate tanks, BY ACCIDENT.
He also bumbles his way to the rank of general in the Gungan army, then bumbled his way into the senate too giving the most evil tyrant in fiction all the power he ever wanted.
Fans hate Jar Jar and accuse him of ruining Star Wars for them. I don't think he ruined the movies, I just hate him as a person. Having said that as a character I believe he is necessary. Who here, does not know a Jar jar Binks?
Star Wars Humour fansites have more material because of him. Such as these gems.I hope that he happily retired to Alderaan and was looking through a telescope, during the first test of the Death Star.
“Continue with the operation. You may fire when ready.”

The Final End Solution.

2009-01-12T17:01:00.008Z

If this works this maybe my last ever post on Mike's Soapbox. I doubt it however.
I've had an idea that will reach a new audience, solve a lot of the problems facing British society and hopefully it would make me revered and famous too.
It is a daytime TV show like Jeremy Kyle, Trisha Goddard or Jerry Springer, but with a difference. I would be presenting the programme. Stop me if you have heard this!

Every day I would invite societies rejects on to my show and listen to their problems.

“Ok, What's your issue?”
“ My mam's, my Sister. And she slept with boyfriend because I got drunk and slept with his best friend, and now I'm pregnant with one of their kids. And I don't know who my dad is.”
“Interesting, anything else to add?”
“Innit”
“OK. Remember there are two sides to every story. Here is Gemma on the show.”

Some hippopotamic teen with tourettes syndrome in an advanced stage then wades on to the set.
Normally, bouncers would hold them back to prevent a fight. But on my show there are no bouncers, only cleaners.
Most guests would have been issued chainsaws back stage before the cameras roll.
I would look on from behind the bullet-proof perspex screen, protecting myself and the audience.
Then we would have an advert break.

“Mike's Soapbox, is sponsored by Learn Direct. GET A FUCKING JOB!”

“Welcome back. We have Holly-Louise-Phoenix on the show. Now Holly-Louise-Phoenix has a special talent what is that?”
“I can eat an apple through an tennis racquet.”
“Amazing! Is that because your teeth are crooked, or are they crooked because you eat apples through tennis racquets?”
“Huh”
“Holly-Louise-Phoenix has bought her entire family here today. Her elder brother is a young offender, her father is an alcoholic sex offender and her mother is depressed beyond tablets. Lets bring them out!”
the family sits.
“I'm going read the DNA result. Are you ready?....... Holly-Louise-Phoenix is........
Only 16% human.”
Gasps and groans of condemnation from the audience.
“Can I ask that you, and your family leave the stage through the door at the left, and exit the Mike's Soapbox studio through the showers at the back of the complex.”
“We don't 'ave any soap.”
“Don't worry, there is official Mikes Soapbox Soap in there.... It's made from last weeks guests.”

"Up next"
"My husband doesn't work"
"well what do you do?"
"Well, right. I look after the Kids, right."
"Wrong the state looks after your kids. This problem will only sort itself out if you work together.....on a work correctional facility making famous high street clothing."

Then I would have my final thoughts at the end of each show.
“You are all adults. You know what's right and what's wrong. Sort your problems out without airing all your dirty laundry on national television.
Your ability to have sex has never been in question, but if you can't look after yourself or your nearest and dearest. don't allow your situation to get worse because there are many people out there help you.
We live in a country where you have it so good, some nations would be glad to live without fear, hardship or hunger.
Next week, one single mother concern for her obese 8 year old son. I wonder what's gone wrong?
SEE YOU NEXT TIME.”

www.bloopy.co.uk

2008-12-22T18:25:00.006Z

Finally. A good friend of mine has re launched his website.
Bloopy It is normally alot of fun, abit like my blog.
I'm sure he wouldn't mind Mike's Soapbox advertising it for him.
Merry Bloopy.

Guilt Trip Gluttony

2008-12-20T21:50:00.009Z

It is Christmas time. Again.
It is the time for annual excessive over indulgence.
Lets get something straight. Everyone loves food, because everyone needs food.
There are so many injustices in the world that occur to bring us the food we pay for, whether they be animal welfare issues, food health issues or just the injustices that face the producers of the food we consume everyday.

Due to our nations over population, we do not have enough land to grow enough food to sustain our rapacious diets. This is why most of our food comes from overseas, from countries that are less economically developed than ours, and so do not require the high wages we ourselves expect, because they don't have digital watches, DVD players, games consoles and the like. What these countries have in abundance is land and sunshine. Lots of land and lots of sunshine.

In the past the farm workers, were not getting a good price for their produce from the large supermarket chains, as they could monopolise the market and drive the price down as low as possible and still add their own ludicrously high mark up on the price on the final product whether it be coffee, bananas, chocolate, sugar or any other of the countless foodstuff that we take for granted.

This post is about Fair trade goods. Goods that are produced supposedly more ethically and see that the growers and farmers receive a “fair” price for the goods for the food that they provide.

How can Mike's Soapbox be against such a worthy, generous and seemingly worth while cause.

I have read articles recently that changed my mind on the whole issue. Before this I had an innocently oblivious idea of fair trade, and that it was a perfect system uniting the world food market, creating a utopian society much quicker than at the pace we are going at the moment.

The example first put to me was this.
“What would happen if all the builders in Sunderland, were paid ten times as much as any where else in the UK?”
Well lets discuss what would happen. All non Sunderland builders would be angry. All Sunderland non builders would be angry. As the builder's semi skilled wage would go up from an average of £720 to £7200 and their wages whether be doctor, butcher, baker or candlestick maker would be unchanged.
This would create an inequality in a system unheard of and inconceivable before. Other services like shops would inevitably raise prices, and price out non builders. This would make Sunderland a place inhabited exclusively by builders. Trapped by their own wealth which is a wealth proportionate to that area. And overproduction would ensue, but at least all the brickwork would be nicely pointed.

This is precisely what is happening in regions of the world. Land barons are cropping up and economic migrants are being caught up in a form of capitalism that greed that they are yet to understand. The people may be paid more but they are still going hungry. As their produce is almost always shipped elsewhere and it is under ripe so inedible until it reaches its final destination.

One of the main injustices of the fair trade system is that most participants of the fair trade system are in Mexico. Nearly 25% of fair trade coffee is produced there and Mexico has the largest number of fair trade producer certifications in the world even thought its is now classed as a newly economised country not a third world country like Ethiopia. Where banana production is a key source of revenue for the masses if not for food. So fair trade discriminates against the poor the very people they are trying to help.

Many others have voiced concerns about fair trade. “The Economist” on the topic of price distortion, calls fair trade “A misguided attempt to make up for price failures.” and an inefficient way of getting money to poor producers.”

I believe that price insensitive customers are being mislead, by fair trade. As some products are fair trade and are not advertised as so, and some fair trade certified products are not sold as such.

Sainsbury's now only sell Fair Trade bananas so where's the consumers choice going to. Even though they are still getting nearly 85% mark up on the cost of the item, and this is how they can have them on offer them at half price some weeks. This is due to the over production that I mentioned earlier.

I can't deny that the fair trade organisation has some good intentions but with any system, bugs need to be worked out and corruption and inequality weeded out.

So here is my conclusion. like it or not, there is one way to be sure you are doing the right thing.
Buy from your own nation. In my case I will be buying British.
If it doesn't grown in my soil should I be eating it anyway?
At least I can be sure that the farmers will be getting a fair wage, a fresher product and the price mark up would be reduced due to less time being shipped.

We all need to be more conscious of what we are eating and drinking. We need to ask more questions.
Sometimes the food may be harming us, sometimes the food might be harming others.

I will also be blogging on GM food soon, as that topic seems to be coming in through the back door at the moment. After I thought the front door was well and truly slammed in its face ten years ago.
I love recessions they bring out the stupidity in my species.

Just so I'm not making this up:
fairtrade debate on Wikipedia
Unfair Trade an nice report by Marc Sidwell
www.fairtrade.org.uk

Good News Everyone.

2008-10-29T16:18:00.006Z

Finally.

Two idiots have been suspended (not permanently yet) from my great nation's finest institution, the British Broadcasting Corporation. they are Russell "the student's joke book" Brand and Jonathan "attack anyone better than me, to make up for my speech impediment" Ross.

The pair of cancers on human existence masquerading under moniker of comedians on a radio show found it funny to prank call an old man's answer phone and make allegations about his granddaughter.

You'll be waiting for the punchline a long time.

yes. I still don't get the joke.

the BBC has defended both celebrities and their giant wages, as they want to preserve trailblazing comedians and performers.

I still don't get it

The upset elderly man is none other than Andrew Sachs who played the still hilarious Manuel in the genuine trailblazing comedy Fawlty Towers.

The BBC said the event should not have been broadcast. I think it should have been, but I find their point irrelevant nonetheless. As the offensive act was still performed and whether it was or was not aired doesn't mean a thing to the man at the other end of the phone. The fact that it was broadcasted only exposed the extent of their talent.

Mr Ross, is just annoying. He gets a lot of licence payers money just to be there on telly and allow other celebrities to plug their latest thing that they happen to be doing at the time.
One example was Sir David Attenborough. Regular readers of my blog would know I hold this man in the highest esteem. what would you ask a man that has seen more of the world than anyone else. Surly not "Did you ever rWide one of those big tortoises" as Mr Ross did.

Again, I still Don't get it.

Granted Jonathan Ross realising the severity of the situation apologised nearly instantaneously. Unlike Russell Brand, when approached by the press outside his home the next morning. He swaggered to his waiting vehicle, mumbling "Hare Krishna! Hare Krishna" to every question, as if it was appropriate, respectful or even funny.

Rather than take responsibility for his actions Russell Brand subsequently resigned from his position on BBC Radio2. In a move that screams "You can't fire me! I QUIT" sort of move.

I'm still not getting it.

I would be quite happy for these pair of jesters to leave the BBC and go to another channel if they are are only interested in the money, Mr Brand has a series on channel four starting soon. I'm sure it will be drab but performed with an excited expression making it look better than it actually is.
and I would love to see Friday Night with Johnathan Ross on the new pay per veiw Richard & Judy Channel.

If these people want more money they should move on and sell themselves to other broadcasters. There is plenty more comedic talent out there. The BBC could be a bubbling with new talent again if they were not spending 18 million on a single celebrity.

Mike Soapbox coming to the BBC soon.

STAR WARS: THE CLOWN WARS

2008-08-16T12:52:00.005+01:00

You wouldn’t believe how wound up about this I am.

Yesterday I saw the last film I am going to see from the dreaded “CGI Animal Factory”.
Since about 1995 every question about movies was answered by “Oh, we did it on a computer”.
Here are some examples,
“How did you animate the ballroom scene in Beauty and the Beast?”
“Oh, we did it on computer”

“How did you manage to make the magic carpet in Aladdin?”
“Oh, we did it on computer”
So on and so forth.
Anyone with a DVD collection and handful of DISC Twos, all will be full of “Oh, we did it on computer” style answers.

Then the Hollywood studios thought “F*** it. Do it all on computer.”
“Toy Story” was the first completely CGI movie. It was well written and was unique concept and could not have been done in any other way due to the plastic-ness of CGI at the time.
Traditional animation continues till the turn of the century then Hollywood began defecating CGI movies by the truckload. Some were well written but all could have been done by a talented artists drawing the witty cats and other happy smiley creatures by hand.

I bet thousands of talented artist get refused jobs for Disney now because they don’t want people that can use pens, paint and acetate, this is now becoming such a lost art. Not in Japan however, their anime industry is booming and continues to put some awesome stories out to the wider world. A personal favourite is “Steam Boy”

Back to Hollywood characters. Why are they are producing such dumb jar headed animals.
“I want a movie about penguins”
“Here’s one”
“That looks too much like a penguin. Now f*** up its face, gives it more expression that way you see kid's will f***ing love it.
Then I want movie with a zebra in it.”

The final straw came yesterday when I booked a day off work for the new Star Wars movie as I always do for Star Wars. Anyone that knows me or has read previous posts knows that “I Love Star Wars”. I love its continuity, I love its causality, I love its accessibility for all ages and above all I love its characters.

I should have gotten the hint when a trailer came on before hand for “Madagascar 2 Escape from the CGI animal factory” or something along those lines. But I digress slightly a the “Clone Wars was an Atrocious movie.

But the Younglings with ADHD in the audience seemed to love the movie, with all its “sustained peril” and bright flashy lights. So maybe it is just a kids film but star wars is supposed to be good for adults too, nearly three generations have grew up with Star Wars over the past 30 plus years with the exception of a few crazy old hermits. So to alienate this crowd of loyal fans was a travesty in itself.

The plot was non existent. There was no explored character arch of Anakin’s dark side there was very little Anakin and Obi-Wan style team work. Which I have always expected to see. From what I have read in the Clone Wars comics that these pair were nigh on invincible during the war between the Confederacy and the Republic.

Instead the film centres on Anakin’s apprentice. Yes an apprentice. You know the most important point in a Jedi knight’s career. And in this case the most important Jedi’s career, you know the apprentice omitted from “Revenge Of The Sith.”
I would have expected a mention of this character even if it was fleeting in episode III.

George Lucas nearly did himself a mischief in the seventies producing the first Star Wars film, due to the stresses it entailed in producing a movie practically on his own. Now he’s pumped one out for the summer holidays without trying. Even though he said the Skywalker story is done.
Even though there are many other interesting Jedi he could have focused on such without interfering with the cannon, such as Mace Windu, Kitt Fisto, Ki Adi Mundi. or even Jar Jar Binks would not have been out of place in this movie.

I’ve had enough of CGI movies.
Movies in general are dying on their asses Video games will take over soon.
I don’t know how you can produce a video game tie-in for a fraction of the cost and charge 8 times as much as a standard cinema ticket. A game which contains more story, a longer run time and is more engaging. I think someone’s missing a trick here.

Letters From The Underground

2008-08-14T19:03:00.002+01:00

My favorite band the "Levellers" have released an album this week.
When I say "they released an album", I mean THEY. No middlemen involved.
They recorded, produced and distributed this album. The only TRUE "Indie" band.
In a week that saw the Kaiser Chiefs slam other bands for creating "Indie by numbers." They are a fine one to talk.

This album pulls no punches and doesn't use connotations dress up serious issues which they have been known to do in previous albums.
I love the album a friend referred to the lyrics as "deep". This is in fact false, the lyrics are more "NOT THE FACE" lyrics.
This is a real good quality punk album that the punk era sadly lacked.

My only criticism is that the lyrics can be a bit inaudible at some points.

please watch the video above, make up your own minds.
If you enjoy it, some choices lay before you. Buy it in shops, Download it or get a free copy off a mate that likes the levellers. Apathy is not an option.

I will save Piracy for a whole other post. But Jon Sevink Violinist for the Levellers stated in an interview this week "free music isn't the future, it's the present" I'll leave that statement with you.

Movie Reviews By 11 Yearolds.

2008-08-12T16:45:00.003+01:00

I rarely read news papers, I happened across this today, and it annoyed me.
click on the picture below and read his article.

How cute it was. 11 yearolds writing news.

This was my resonding e-mail sent to the daily mail this afternoon I doubt that they would ever publish this letter.

I am commenting on the article on page 57 of The Daily Mail on the 12th of August 2008, written by Christopher Andrews aged 11.
I know this news paper is famed for heart warming tales, kids writing stuff etc, but this article is ridiculous.

He clearly has not seen the film himself. As he is only basing his article on some other articles that he has read himself.
He also claims to be a batman fan too this also sounds to be inaccurate, there have been many different incarnations of the "Joker" each one displaying a different origin.
This fact is briefly mentioned in "The Dark Knight".
So no depiction of a comic book character should be accepted as cannon.
I am in no way claiming to be a huge Batman fan, but I do however feel as I can comment on this topic.
The "latest" two "Batman" Movies are a reinvention of the franchise, to make them more realistic, they have achieved this flawlessly.
I'm sure no one compared Cesar Romero's Joker to Jack Nicholson's Joker. This is a new Joker, simple as.

How can he know about the Joker's origins in 1989 batman movie any way as he is 11 years old, and the movie is still rated 15, why was he allowed to see it.

If you want to discuss the use of knives and knife crime that is all well and good but don't leave these important issues for children to raise.

The Movie is fantastic. my only gripe is that it was rated a 12A. this should be debated more. I agree with Ian Duncan Smith on this one. It was too dark and violent for this rating and I have seen less violent movies get a higher rating.

Thank you for your time.

I do hope that this paper continues to use young people opinions on important matters.
I also hope that when young Christopher is old enough, he gets to see this movie and enjoy it on as many levels that I did.

mikes-soapbox.co.uk

Shopping Channel Gadgets

2008-08-10T17:55:00.002+01:00

I really hate these adverts on television.
first of all they describe in a patronising tone, a problem that does not exist .

"Has this ever happened to you?" shot in black and white, usually showing some inept cretin trying to cut a vegetable with the flat side of a knife and making a mess because she is an idiot or something.

This has never happened to me. Leave me alone. You can no longer sell me the product.

But the advert continues and shows me some over engineered plastic junk made for slicing vegetables. It always does the job amazingly.

Have you ever wondered what sort of person buys these types of products?
Morons. That's who.

These clowns have answered yes to the first question on the advert. Then they given their credit card details to a complete stranger. waited for parcel to arrive.
Then they live off sliced fruit and vegetable for the first week, before realising that by the time you have assembled the gadget, used it for 2 seconds, then dismantled, washed and dried it you could have got a knife and sharpened it a bit and used that instead and only had to wash up one thing.

you'll still need a knife out anyways because the fruit and veg is too big to go on the tiny gadget you have payed 50 quid for, so no problem is eleminated from your life because you can't use a knife anyway, thats why you bought it remember.

JML direct trying to solve lifes problems with resorting to genocide.

Kids With Cutlery

2008-06-10T21:10:00.007+01:00

We have become a nation confused.

After the media admits society demonises the young of today, leading to more disaffected youth and an increase in crimes committed by this age group.

Sadly the current zeitgeist crime of the “kids of today” and the twenty-four hour media too, is knife crime.

Children are so disaffected now that they are resorting to territoriality in the increasingly hard and grey urban environment. Groups form gangs and gangs compete for territory just like any other animal on your favourite BBC documentary.
Naturally and disturbingly there are casualties and fatalities, and nothing will sell a newspaper better than the death of a child on its front page innocent or not.

Children carry knives nowadays. Not all, but a lot. The government is fighting a losing battle, in trying to legislate the availability of knives to teenagers.
How on Earth do you stop this, when pretty much all the knives confiscated from the kids are kitchen knives? Not the kind of knife that Mick Dundee or Johnny Rambo has, no. These are ordinary Kitchen knives in on sale everywhere to anyone over the age of 16.

Today I was in Sainsbury’s. As our teaspoons had gone missing from my place of work I decided to purchase 6 spoons at a cost of 99 pence.
I proceeded to the self-check-out.

“Please scan your nectar card.”
BEEP.
“Please scan your items.”
BEEP BEEP BEEP. And my spoons. BEEP.
“AUTHENICATION NEEDED PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE”.
I have never talked to a computer before. For me these are marginally better than a vending machine, and I was in a state of disbelief.
“You what?” I exclaimed in great surprise. "They are spoons”
The guy next to me looked and smiled, I shrugged my shoulders at him and said
“ I can’t believe I’m being ID-ed for spoons”
A Queue had formed when I finally was able to beckon a member of staff over with the now immortal line “Can you authenticate my spoons for me please.”
She smiled and said, “The situation is becoming ridiculous” this obvious sweeping statement could refer to a number of things right now.
I left the store muttering the lines “This ones for the blog”
The last time I was asked for ID I said “Nah it’s a fair cop” and left the establishment having no ID and being underage anyway.

I have thought about all the things you can do with a spoon. I believe that 99.99% are quite benign if not essential usages of the humble spoon. The worst thing I could think of someone doing to me is if you take said teaspoon out a really hot beverage and place it on the back of someone’s hand.
My mum has even done it to me in jest when I was younger for being a pain. Now I’m a writer, for my own blog. So it did me no harm.
I myself can see no danger from spoons even in the wrong hands.

However if you made spoons harder to purchase in shops, like raising the age limit to buy spoons, thus making them a “bling” commodity, therefore replacing knives in in teen gang culture in the long term.
Adults will then be able to walk the streets at night. Teens will still congregate,
But now drinking nice, hot tea, or coffee if they are planning to stay out for longer.
Some would eventually get scalds to the back of the hands but I believe that to be a tiny percentage about 0.01% some teens would over indulge and have 10 pints of tea in one night and be “very refreshed”.

Hope to write another Blog again Spoon.

Vend Your Anger.

2008-02-08T15:52:00.001Z

Just what you have all been waiting for, Mike’s Soapbox is back on form.
I am just anger and frustration all the way with this post.

Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall has asked you all to pledge not to eat factory produced chicken produce any more. I took this pledge.

Now I am making a pledge of my own, and I ask you all to do the same.

“I pledge to never use another vending machine again.”

My reasons for this are many.
Firstly it is a faceless transaction. Many small traders are going out of business because of theses.
There is the potential that this machine will break take your money and not give you the product you asked for. And then whom do you complain to. And is it worth getting irate over 40pence for a chocolate bar.
Well I believe it is. Vending machines are notoriously over priced often with short dated items in them and if you encountered an over priced item in a shop you wouldn’t accept it and walk away why do people allow it from a machine you could never barter with.

Half the time you’d be better off in a casino playing the one-arm bandits than using a vending machine.

Here are some facts lifted from this helpful website. http://www.vending4you.co.uk/facts/

There are 510,000 refreshment vending machines in the UK.
UK Vending machines use 1.5 billion litres of water ever year.
And consumers spend 1.5 billion pounds every year in them (pound for a litre of water?)
And more people are killed by vending machines than in shark attacks.

And according to these guys an average business can spend around £85,000 of its annual wages bill on time lost making coffee and tea. Does any one else think this is an evil money-grabbing statistic?

You’ve heard some of the facts there are more to find too.

Everyone has had a vending machine horror story now its time they stopped.

Take my pledge and boycott all vending machines.

The War On Drugs.

2007-12-15T14:20:00.001Z

Apparently. Apparently, the British army is expelling nearly a battalion's worth of troops each year through drug abuse.
Here is a short video about British army troops actually being administered drugs.

You might want to picture yourself on a train, in a station with plastercine porters with looking glass ties.

Education, Education, Education. (Fragment consider revising)

2007-11-29T17:55:00.000Z

I am reacting to the recent findings in the media, about child literacy rates. Which have now dropped to fifteenth from third in the world ten years ago.

Apparently ten year olds are leaving primary education without the basic literacy skills required for secondary school and the wider world.
Blame has been pointed in numerous corners. Computer games are one suspect where as the education system as a whole is another.
I intend to analyse this situation the only way I know how. So here I go.

Lets start with ten year olds. Well they were born ten years ago obviously. So I see that as a great place to start.

1997 “Things can only get better” apparently. A new government is ushered into power after a landslide election victory. Tony Blair the golden boy of New Labour was the new prime minister of the UK, and his manifesto promising better services and backed up by the now immortal line “Education, education, education.”

The nation mourns the untimely death of HRH Diana the Princess of Wales. The country openly grieved and flowers carpeted London in September.

And different views were expressed about a new style of children’s television show
It stared four brightly coloured “things” called Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po. They were the “Teletubbies” and they were the new children’s zeitgeist and the must have toy for Christmas of that year.
Teletubbies was criticised for improper use of language and accused of stunting children’s linguistic development.
These fears were ignored and Teletubbies was sold and broadcasted to 30 countries worldwide.

Today televisual media has blamed computer games for literacy rates even though computer games require more of a conscience effort to read than television does, and also the basics of reading should be ingrained by the age of five at the latest. Also a child should not be playing non-educational software before that age and there are few games certified for that age that are not educational.
I believe Computer Games can be acquitted from this crime, as they should already be able to read and parents should be monitoring what their child is doing at least to the age of ten.

I want to call the new suspect of “illogical children’s television.”
To prove that TV wasn’t always bad I will use an example that has endured generations.

I grew up watching the original first two series of “Thomas The Tank Engine” this was based on the “Railway Series” books by Rev W Awdry which themselves have entertained children and help them to read for over 60 years. If you are a regular visitor “Mike’s Soapbox” you’ll know that from a previous post is that “I loved that show” and I was dismayed to find that it too had been dumbed down. Its once extensive vocabulary lost and replaced by fast edits, new characters and storylines that are so nonsensical, that a child has no chance of relating the viewing experience to the world around it. Please take a ten-minute break and view the two episodes.

I will use two episodes as an example one old and one new and will analyse each.
The first is called “Edward’s Exploit” broadcast in 1986. Starring my favourite of the Sodor engines “Edward”. Enjoy.

Now this episode had so many values didn’t it? Respect your elders, work and try hard in everything you do. It taught ingenuity by loosening the couplings between the coaches and it even mentioned parts of a steam engine such as the sanding gear, crankpins and side rods. Thus raising the vocabulary. Allowing the viewer to apply the new words that they have learnt to its environment.

This next episode was aired more recently. Not as imaginatively titled as the first episode. I will apologise now for the American B- actor narrator and for turning Annie and Clarabel in to some sort of Afro-Caribbean stereotype, but please view the evidence and come back in five, for my scathing attack.

Well What was the point of that episode. There was no message present or even a reason to tell that story.

Why does a millionaire go on holiday on the same Island in which he lives. The story was so disjointed I could not follow it, so how can you expect your child to.

This is blog has had to be re-edited as the first video I embedded was disabled by YouTube, under orders from "HIT ENTERTAINMENT" themselves. Either they were embarrassed by their current series or they are more concerned with money than children's entertainment. I think it is the latter, and also I believe they miss-spelled "HIT".

All in all I think that standard has dropped in the production of children’s entertainment, in pursuit of ratings and merchandising opportunities.
Children’s TV only provides a small part of a child’s waking life most of this is taken up with schooling. I do believe standards have slipped in schools too as budgets have been slashed and public buildings are being built and maintained by private investment companies so with administration fees it can cost up to a thousand pound to have a shelf erected on a wall in a hospital. The same is happening in our schools. Greed is taking our children’s education that we all have paid for in taxation.
This is one example of how schools are striving to make ends meet with an increased population, increased class sizes, fewer resources and all the time selling the child the dream of a brighter tomorrow.
I believe the education system failed me. Because I do not learn new things the way they taught me. I had monocular vision so reading was strain the teachers had no passion and could not engage me.
I learn by doing.
I learnt one thing after I left school.
That I could do a hell of a lot.

The Battle For Burma

2007-10-03T16:48:00.000+01:00

I love these news stories. I truly do.
The stories where people rise up together to fight for something that is wrong.
Burma or Myanmar as it is sometimes called, is going through a radical change.
Fifty thousand Burmese citizens lead by monks have joined in protest against it’s own government, the Junta Military. There have been casualties on both sides.
The Burmese protesters have all asked for democracy.
Even though Mike's Soapbox knows that democracy isn’t all its cracked up to be, I still believe that the Burmese people deserve it. As they have all announced in one voice and asked for democracy by name and people have died for it.

I still remember the fall of Sobodan Milosovic in 2000. What a great day the “Bulldozer revolution” was.
Too many people were tired of the dictator and too many people wanted a change, everyone turned out and everyone helped. Farmers knocking down walls with tractors and people taking to the streets even police joined in. it was a great sight.

This is what should have happened in Iraq. A dictator or regime should be taken down by its own people, when they are ready to do so. At the point where they all announce in one voice “NO MORE”, there will be no stopping the tide. The Iraq people were not ready, and the country is now in ruins.

The people need to be ready for change. Serbia wanted the change. They were screaming for better days, they got them.
Burma is screaming too. I hope they get everything they ask for. And I wish the protesters every success against such a powerful foe.

A Year On The Soapbox

2007-09-24T19:35:00.000+01:00

Yes.

Mike's Soapbox Is One year old this month.
I've had a great time in the past year commenting on our world.

So many things have happened between September 2006 and September 2007. Tthis is an update on my blogs of the past year. Have I been right? Have I been wrong? Or do we all have to wait a little longer for the soapbox to be vindicated?

I started back in September 2006, after idiots in a city bar were behaving like yuppies. Unfortunately these types of people still exist but I have never been back in that bar again.

Then I talked about the dangers of fertility treatment.
In the summer of 2007 a woman announced that she had donated her eggs to be kept in storage for her 14-year-old daughter that has fertility problems, if she chooses to use them. As she will not be able to conceive in later life. The ramifications of which is dire as this girl will give birth to her half sister, and the egg donor would be both mother and grandmother to the child. I think this is the first time that morality of fertility treatment has ever been bought into question.
Has anyone considered that the gene pool can be polluted like any other natural system on the Earth. The damage now has already been done and the gene pool may never recover. The gene pool is for every species of plant, animal, or single celled organism on the planet not just for Humans. Life will continue on this planet long after we are extinct.

Consumerism is still rampant on the planet, with our desires treated like trends on a graph, and products invented to save time and labour on a problem that we never noticed before.
No change I’m afraid to say readers. Be patient the day will come.
Although, I issued a challenge on the message board of www.levellers.co.uk I asked them to write down every single brand name in just one room of their home. The purpose was to highlight the invasiveness of the corporate identity. Only one person took up the challenge and was predictably shocked at the result too.
I am quite happy to open one set of eyes at time. You never know what that one person can achieve with opened eyes.

I take great care in what I wear. It annoyed me five years ago when people started wearing Che Guevara T-shirts or ones that say Cuba on them blatantly not knowing who Che Guevara was or any thing about Cuba. I remember upsetting someone over that too. I guess that I just asked too many questions over it….
"Have you been to Cuba?"
"No"
“Are you Cuban?”
“No.”
“Are you going to Cuba?”
“No.”
“Are you planning to go?”
“Not really. No.”
“Do you smoke cigars?”
“No.”
“ Do you contribute to the gross national product of Cuba in anyway?”
“Huh? Err No.”
Now this last question, for some reason I don’t know why, gets peoples backs up, it really need not.
“Are you a Communist?”
“No I’m not.” The annoying person then left us in peace, hopefully with a new concept of “Fashion Sense”.

People still get offended when you offer them advice.
Now girls and boys are wearing Arabic head scarves. You know the ones you see worn by an Iraqi militant on BBC news 24 as he bounces out of the back of a Toyota flat bed firing his AK-47 wildly in the air.
Well this young girl got offended because I merely informed her of what the headscarf was.
I believe a degree of understanding would not have gone amiss on her part, considering there are people of her own country and town shooting and being shot by people wearing those things. Which brings me nearly onto.

More terror attacks on British soil, after a refusal to withdraw from the illegal battleground of Iraq. Prince Harry predictably never went to Iraq.

But a major victory for the “Mike’s Soapbox’s idea of world order” though.
On the subject of text voting and TV phone-in Quizzes.
After a massive exposé was launched in to them, the media regular fell on them like a tonne of old brick mobile phones.
ItvPLAY was taken off the air indefinitely and big brother had to have serious rethink of their live evictions after more gaffes in the same week. Blue Peter got its knuckles rapped for faking a competition winner live on air, but got a away with receiving a hot teaspoon on the back of the hand.
Blue Peter appeared to be recidivists too, they staged an online competition to name the Blue Peter cat even though the cat wasn’t Christened with the winning name, or that name Mike’s Soapbox wanted to call it.

Britain has a new Prime minister too, although most haven't noticed the change.
It appears the illusion of democracy is still alive and as strong as ever. People care more about some illiterate, loud-mouthed skank on the latest reality TV show, than the person or government charged with the protection of the nations wealth and population.

Avril Lavigne is being sued for allegedly plagiarising her song "boyfriend". I hope she gets her purse well and truly emptied over this.

More and more daft products enter our lives in attempt to make things easer. This won’t happen in our current capitalist society, which is designed to make life harder. We used to just need food,water and shelter. Shelter was a luxury.

All in all it has been a tough year for most people that I know. Some things are getting better but most things are getting worse, so expect many more blogs posted soon. Please keep reading and together we can make a better world.

And Sir Topham Hatt AKA "the Fat Controller is still at large. But I hear that James Bond is being sent to sort things out.

Hippies With Bells On.

2007-08-06T20:55:00.000+01:00

I was recently on holiday in the South coast of Devon.

I used public transportation to travel there and back and the eight hour coach trip there was great, the flooded British countryside reminded me that mankind really needs to learn how to survive without Tesco and telly.

However the trip home was Marred by the short jump between Exeter and Bristol where I had a Hippy woman sitting opposite me.

Now I consider myself a Hippy so to speak. The holiday I went on I lived pretty much at one with nature by going for walks gorging on blackberries and Raspberries growing wild in the countryside, catching and cooking my own fish etc. And lets not forget I also am a huge Levellers fan.

Now this obvious stereotypical Hippy was wearing the traditional Eastern European influenced clothing. she had a guitar case nestled in front of her seat. fine.

Her rings. dear God her rings. her rings rang.
Each hand had a ring, each with three tiny bells on them.
She was reading and every shuffle and turn of the page resulted in a shrill ringing emitted from the most annoying machinations that human beings could make.

Hippies are supposed to be the massive but passive why does this individual feel that people need to notice you, and lets not forget she was an individual. Nothing better.

I have never felt the need to announce my presence in that way and have never met anything that isn't a household pet with that need either.

Luckily patience was a virtue and she exited the coach at Bristol before I ripped her fingers off.

Products you should be aware of.

2007-07-13T19:12:00.000+01:00

Tooth bushes with added tongue cleaner.

Unless you more than a fan of the 1972 movie “Deep Throat” you will not be able to achieve “a whole mouth clean” enjoy the gag reflex.

Humans cannot live in a sterile environment. Ever. No argument.

Anti aging creams. (Fragment consider revising)

You cannot defeat entropy. Keep looking at your wrist watch for proof of this.

Penta-peptides are not the hottest anti-aging ingredient around. Not even if you claim it to be fact by scribbling the word on a loose leaf pad and underline it. Nor are you a scientist by doing so. You are a charlatan.

Aunt Bessie's

If you can’t mix flour, eggs, butter, sugar or a pinch of salt, you need to be asking yourself some serious questions about why you have opposable thumbs and a cerebellum.

New Kitchen and bathroom suits.

Unless you old one can no longer hold water, clean you or cook your meals or has suffered greatly at the hands of a new cleaning agent advertised by a loud-mouthed idiot, you really don’t need to buy new.

Microwavable burgers (faster fast food)

Burgers have chemicals and E- numbers galore. Now imagine how many there are in these beasts

Perfumes.

I have only just a got High-definition television, and was most disappointed to find out that I still could not smell the perfume on those arty adverts.

Travel Adverts.

How about enjoy the life you have chosen for yourself instead of hopping on a plane and getting this “T-shirt Nirvana” from Thomas Cook. Learn about the world before you stamp your carbon footprint on it

"NEW HARD HITTING DRAMA"

Never seen one yet. Normally this means the drama depicts people of different genders or races shouting at each other.

Bomb Recipes on BBC NEWS 24

Yes complete with the word reconstruction superimposed along the screen.

Loose lips sink ships.

More to come soon…

FAKES.

2007-06-08T16:16:00.001+01:00

It’s Official. Avril Lavigne has left that multi-million dollar industry of pretending to be a rock star.

I was never fooled by her act why were you?

Avril first burst on the scene around 2002 in my country with the aptly titled single “Complicated”.

Her persona was that of an aggressive teen rock chick with a voice like a honking bicycle horn.

Blatantly marketed to toward the young teens particularly “emo” kids that are just beginning to experiment with masturbation and self-harm. Avril Lavigne gave them a lot to think about.

Her second single showed the world just how talented she was “sk8er Boi” was brilliant as it was a true representation of her grasp of the English language and her lyrical genius. Rhyming “boy” with, well “boy” shows true Shakespearian ability.

Then she sang a song about being stood up on a date, this made me laugh so much “It’s a damn cold night”

“Well there is snow on the ground and you are wearing your three-quarter length shorts, no wonder you have been stood up. Bet you have done nothing but whinge all day”.

Then she was in a video wearing nothing but her tiny knickers and a vest. It looked like she was desperate for attention, even though it’s the wrong sort of attention.

Shortly after she gets married to one of the guys from “SUM 41”.

Then comes back on the music scene dressed like some sort of Barbie doll, now sporting bleached blonde hair and dance routines, clearly cashing in on the bald Brittany market now, asking if she can be you girlfriend. Well considering I wouldn’t even get a second hand SUM 41 album, I would certainly not have one of their wives second hand.

You’ll never find Mike’s Soapbox faking, Avril.

I’m sick of musicians pretending that they are something they are not.

The “Rasmus” is an annoying culprit, selling us semi-dark imagery with in its lyrics with simple power chord chugged out again.

With black clothes and pale faces, you’d think Mike’s Soapbox would enjoy the “Rasmus” you’d be so wrong.

Their song that gained notoriety in my country was “In The Shadows” damn this song was annoying. Selling cliché lyrics again. If you want a dark song this is how you do it, you change one word in the chorus from “I've been watching, I've been waitin
In the shadows for my time” to “I’ve been watching, I’ve been waiting in the BUSHES” etc. Now the song is 80% darker.

Oh its too dark now isn’t it. You don’t like it, do you?

So here’s a tip for you if you don’t like the dark side stay away from it. Why is it cool to be dark? A true bringer of light knows the darkness and moves beyond it.

My advice is don’t be a faker, you will be found out, by me.

For more about emo kids go to Becky’s Rant.

"The Flying Kipper" (Loose Change)

2007-06-08T15:58:00.000+01:00

Mike’s Soapbox is forming a pressure group to jail, a railway baron facing charges of corruption, industrial and criminal negligence.

I am of course talking of the Island of Sodor’s number one millionaire playboy, Sir Topham Hatt. But as many crime lords in his position he goes by the name of “the Fat Controller".

In the year of 1984 alone there were a total of five recorded derailments of engines. No fatalities were recorded. The Island of Sodor is a small railway but has its own breakdown train, which is only usually utilised on larger rail networks.

Lets use engine number 3 as a case study. The engine's name is Henry.

Henry is a 4-6-0 steam locomotive; which was built a firebox that was too small. so it could not generate the heat and therefore steam needed to pull the excessive loads asked of it.

In 1984 engineers were heavily involved in Henry’s case. Often a side tank engine named Thomas would pull his train when the platform crew remembered to couple Thomas to his train that is.

Henry’s driver and fireman, facing redundancy, pleaded to try a newer better quality coal as the Fat Controller’s railway had a tendency to cut corners, cheap coal was one of his tactics.

He eventually relented stating that “It’s expensive, but Henry must be given a fair chance.”
Welsh coal was imported, to help Henry. Henry seemed to get better.

In the late autumn of 1984 he was asked to pull a train that is normally taken by the larger 4-6-2 tender engine named Gordon. The train was called the “flying kipper it was to take fish from the harbour and deliver them around the island, under the cover of darkness.

On this particular night heavy snow had fell, and due to “faulty” signals a points Henry crashed in a siding off the mainline and was derailed. It was a miracle no one was hurt.

Shortly after the sun rose Sir Topham Hatt appeared and announced that “ Ice and Snow caused the accident.” Really? No need for public inquiry then? The man is clearly a law unto himself.

He then sends Henry away to be mended in Crewe, he would get a new shape a new firebox and he wouldn’t need special/expensive coal anymore.

Henry was clearly a victim of insurance fraud and sabotage, and all because an engine wasn’t efficient enough. lives were put at risk.

The second case study is of a 2-6-0 mixed traffic engine called James. James was derailed on his first day after pulling a goods train. Eyewitnesses saw his brake blocks on fire. James had wooden brake blocks when purchased for the Sodor rail fleet. It was only a matter of time before an accident occurred; again it was a miracle that no one was killed.

This is a case of negligence with the use of substandard, outdated and down right unsafe parts. The driver and fireman of James had always said that “they were no good.” clearly there concerns were ignored. James came to rest in a field and there were reports the cows gave sour milk from stress for years after. The farmer went out business.

Ever since 1984 there has been incident after incident on the Sodor railways.

I believe there should be a public inquiry into the railways on sodor.

Sir Topham Hatt should also be brought to justice before a death occurs.

HEROES

2007-04-20T15:12:00.000+01:00

This is sort of a first. No rant as such for this post.
After a conversation in a public house, a question was asked during the evening which intrigued me, and which is the topic of this post.

Do we really need heroes?

Human beings have such a long childhood, in comparison to most other animals, which are born and ready to produce offspring of their own, in the time frame of only a couple of years. The reason humans have a long childhood is to learn.
Since we learnt to walk upright all those many millions of years ago, our bones had to move and change position, such as the hips and the pelvis during the process of evolution. This was to allow the female to walk upright.
This presented a problem for the newborn offspring as smaller pelvis means a smaller gap for its head to pass, so it needs to be smaller. In doing this, the child is pretty helpless when born. Not like gazelles of Africa, which can walk and bound around sometimes under an hour after being born.

The helplessness of the newborn human is not necessarily detrimental, as this means it needs a long childhood before it can be developed enough to produce offspring of its own. This time is spent learning and taking in its surroundings, and obviously mentors and role models are crucial. Mothers, fathers and family members often fill this role.

So everyone needs role models else we would learn nothing and certainly the infant mortality rate would be at 100% without a doubt.
Who we choose as a role model or a hero is important too.

Celebrities are heroes and heroines to millions around the world. Some do good things and others do wrong things and are dangerous role models to have.

No doubt you have noticed the picture at the top of this post, some faces you will recognise some you will not.

I will name each of the people depicted and write briefly why they feature in my list of people who I admire most.

They are in no particular order.

First of all in the top left of the picture is Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall, presenter of channel four’s “river cottage” series, a TV chef that left the city in search of the simple life and living as naturally possible. He campaigned for decent food in diet long before Jamie Oliver upset fat kids and neglectful parents.
Hugh is a bit of a buffoon sometimes on his programmes but he always gets the job done and isn’t afraid of trying, which is why he is in my heroes list.

Next to Hugh is the late Mr Bill Hicks, a true influence of mine. A rock-star- comedian if ever there was one.
Passion was injected in to every one of his performances and he didn’t take any crap from anyone, even from his own audience. He parodied politics, music and entertainment. He opened the eyes of fat America to the suffering of the world.
He could be summed up simply by the phrase “harsh but fair.”
Bill Hicks died in February 1994 of cancer.

Second from the right, is Jacob (Bruno) Bronowski.
A Jewish man born in Poland and became a mathematician and then researched anthropology to solve a maths problem in humans beings. By doing this he realised that he had Chronicled human history right back to its dawn. “The Ascent of Man” was the title of his book, which then became a fantastic 13 part television series of thirty years ago. Having fled Poland in the thirties he returns in his series to a derelict concentration camp and wades in to a stream where the ashes of six million Jews were flushed 30 years before. Wearing his fine shoes and trousers he speaks totally from the heart, (A rare sight of television scientists of the day) he then bends down plunges his hand into the base of the stream grabs a clump of black sludge and allows it to run through his fingers announcing “we all need to touch one another.”

Dr Jacob Bronowski died shortly after completing his monumental series.

Bottom right picture is of the only truly independent (indie) band that I know of.
Their fan base is massive, passive but always loyal.
They are, of course the Levellers.
The band formed in Brighton England in 1988, at the ass end of Thatcher’s Britain. Politically active and talented they clawed their way in to a pop-orientated chart in the early nineties with hits such as “One Way” and “fifteen Years.”
They now are their own record label and produce and distribute all their recordings themselves.
These guys are the reason I picked up a guitar, for which I will be eternally grateful.

Moving to the left again is Sir David Attenborough OM, CH, CVO, CBE, FRS. There is no finer human being on this earth.
Sir David Attenborough was educated in Leicestershire and went on to see more of our planet than anyone else, and has shared his experiences with anyone willing to listen.
His groundbreaking series “Life on Earth” set a benchmark for documentaries to come, and has only been succeeded by other great Attenborough documentaries.
Sir David Attenborough continues to love, travel and educate the world aged 81.

Finally I come to a factious hero. Anakin Skywalker. I didn’t grow up with star wars like most children my age, the first star wars film I watched was “Episode I” aged 16. I found so many parallels between young Anakin and myself at the age of nine, both of us were full of generosity, idealism and full of potential.
I waited eagerly for three years for the next episode, knowing young Anakin’s overall fate.
I was 19 when I saw Anakin in a movie again. He was about the same age as myself and I was mocked by a few people for unintentionally looking slightly like him.
In “Episode II” Anakin was going through many of the emotional trials that I was such as love, frustration and anger.
By this time I was a huge star wars fan I followed Anakin’s Exploits in the Clone Wars, and I was working full time too.
I could not believe my eyes when I saw the first still images of Anakin in the final instalment of star wars. My hair had grown and so had his. I looked like his doppelganger.
Anakin gets used by all his Jedi colleagues and used by his friend who ends up being the most evil person in the galaxy. It seems like everyone was fighting over him, for his potential, when all he had ever been was a slave and a soldier and that’s what he remained throughout his life as Darth Vader the perfect anti hero.
Anakin’s character resonates with me because he’s a shining example of what sort of person I could have become if I made the wrong choices in life, if I thought of greed and sided with certain peoples agendas. Of course I don’t have any magical “force” powers that I know of but the parallels remain.
Anakin Skywalker died in his son’s arms in orbit around the forest moon of Endor; in the year I was born 1983. He was aged 54.

In fact a picture of George Lucas should be there instead of Anakin, as he has mentored at least two generations with his films, he has taught great moral values without the constraints of religion, in an increasingly apathetic population.

Heroes are vital in everyone’s development but it would be great if we could all be heroes to our friends, children and loved ones.

Loan Advert

2007-03-04T18:37:00.000Z

One advert has angered me. Well angered me more than most.

It is one of those daytime TV adverts where its target audience is down and outs. Redundant, unemployable idiots who shouldn’t be watching the TV, instead they should be out being a productive member of society.

Of course this advert is for a loan shark company. It shows a man, depicted as an absolute failure in life, the universe and everything. He is trying to mow his tiny lawn with an old inefficient electric mower. Cue connotations and denotations of struggle and strife by the advert makers. His wife stands on the porch and is joined by his stereotypical children (one male, one female) and the family dog, they all look on as their husband, father and provider fails.

After a cut sequence of the man of the house mowing a meadow (cue more connotations and denotations of struggle and suffering) the mower explodes, leaving a smouldering wreckage on his lawn. The man grimaces and sighs, the family all sigh in unison.

“RIGHT THAT’S IT. I CAN’T EVEN MOW THE LAWN, WE ARE GETTING A LOAN!”

The family get a loan and waste it all. The house is then shown with a new car on the drive and the husband is riding a sit-on-mower mowing his ten foot by ten foot lawn.

Everyone in the advert is happy, it seems, until the aftermath of the advert is exposed by the magic of SOAPBOX-VISION.

They realise that everything they have bought is depreciating in value. And the money he has borrowed has to be paid back with interest. If they are that foolish with their money, they probably wont be able to pay the money back.

The family then spirals into poverty they loose the car, the house and dare I say it, the beloved sit-on-mower.

Unfortunately the father, realising that he ruined his family with his idiocy then takes his own life. Leaving a grieving widow and the children with inherited debt.

The family dog was the smart one. He ran away from it all, and starred in a lot of RSPCA commercials and became quite successful on his own.

The moral of the story is never live beyond your means.

If you want to borrow money use it wisely.

And don’t buy anything that depreciates in value.

In The News This Week.

2007-02-25T19:05:00.000Z

I had always hated the idea of committing troops to Afganistan and Iraq.

The UK government has announced that it will be reducing troop numbers in Iraq.
Good news, I guess, but about 5 years too late.

So with reduced number of troops in Iraq, does this increases the chance of Prince Harry being killed by insurgents? This man is third in line to the throne and all major news groups are covering the fact that he is going to Iraq. Basically spilling all intelligence on a VIPs whereabouts in a now unfriendly nation.

The sort of information that was leaked was his regiment (Blues and Royals) so if he isn’t wearing a Kevlar helmet with “WALES” written on it he will be wearing a beret with the appropriate cap badge on it. BBC News24 reported the fact that he will be mostly driving a scimitar tank with a three-man crew. This could make him an easier target for any would be suicide bomber.

If Prince Harry does get assassinated on his tour in Iraq, no doubt there will be a national out pouring of grief lead by the news groups that caused it. Much in the same way that his poor mother met her end and the weeks of irrational mourning that followed back in 1997.

So the British army is pulling out of Iraq, and committing more troops to Afganistan.
Afganistan. Where the war on terrorism started.
The mission was to take out Osama Bin Laden, the mythical leader of the illusive Al Qaeda terrorist group.

Five years later we have neither killed Osama Bin Laden, know the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden or even know if he needed killing in the first place.

I’m not saying we should underestimate terrorists, but I think with the vast money and resources the coalition has and the “big Brother” society each nation of that coalition lives in, it should be easy to find some troglodyte, who can only be seen on grainy video footage next to an old AK-47 rifle and a donkey.

As I have said before, the aim of a terrorist is to create terror. Ignore them, give them no airtime, fear them not and let the peaceful majority make the news.

Democracy

2006-12-17T15:51:00.000Z

If you want to defend democracy you can do so by texting the word “Stupid” to 555-IDIOT

Why are people so gullible in thinking that they have an illusion of choice? And therefore power. This current Labour government has suffered the worst turnout of voters ever.
Whether this is due to apathy or the fact there was no one else worth voting for.

But television programmes, such as X factor and Big Brother get millions of votes.
Votes that you have to pay for at a premium rate. This money goes on producing shows about the shows about the shows etc. where fashionable presenters talk absolute crap, to the ill-informed docile masses. Of course I’m talking about the Current Russell Brand phenomenon,

For goodness sake I hate him.
He is just a fashion, loud, stupid, annoying and Imitated by thousands of hedonistic twenty-year-old students nationwide. And yes just as predicted he has a live DVD out just in time for Christmas.

If you don’t want vote for change make it yourself.
Find your own sense of self whilst doing it
If you want to do none of the above get out of my gene pool as you are entitled to nothing whatsoever.

T.W.A.T.S The War Against Terror States.

2006-12-17T15:10:00.000Z

Whatever deity you follow. Please for their sake shut up about Muslims.
For the past five years at least every day every human on the globe who has contact with the mainstream media has heard news about the Islamic community. Good news about Muslims, bad news about Muslims. The Muslim council of Great Britain has condoned this act by the government, and so on and so forth.
All this since a day, a day, which didn’t exist before 2001 and hasn’t existed since, its name is September the 11th, or 9/11 as it is sometimes called.
No matter what year it is, September the 11th only occurred in 2001. Ceremonies and media lead mourning occurs on the day that falls between the 10th and the 12th of September every year since.

What happened on this day was a terrible thing, and if you don’t know what happened on the day the world changed here is the simple version. As the CNN’s and Sky News’ of the world has filled our heads with misinformation for the past five years.

Pre September 11th (2001) the United States of America had begun to fear radical Islamists and begun to spin lies that these guerrilla fighters were actually organised, and begun to draw diagrams showing who was in contact with who. In truth they were not. The arms dealers they used only linked them together. Which is like myself having links to your family because we both shop at Sainsbury’s.
To give this web of fear a credible name they used an Arabic translation for “the base”.
Al Qaeda is its name, and perhaps you have heard of them.

Then a small band of radicalised Muslims, disconcerted with the western world’s ideals about greed and consumerism, decided to hijack multiple passenger airliners and flew them into one of the greatest symbols of capitalist power and wealth in America the twin towers of the world trade centre and the pentagon.

Thousands of people died that day some from natural causes miles away from the target areas and are completely unconnected to the attacks. I won’t refer to the victims in the planes and the buildings innocent people, as I didn’t know anyone of them. It is how I stay impartial; because the pilots of the aircrafts thought that they were not innocent otherwise they would have chosen another target.

George W. Bush accused Al Qaeda of this act and that Osama Bin Laden was the main mastermind behind the attacks. And claimed that these terrorists have no boarders or countries.
So five years, and two countries left in ruins later. Osama Bin Laden is still at large but Saddam Hussein will now hang, for a completely unrelated incident. And Guerrilla freedom fighting groups in the Middle East have organised and united under the banner of Al Qaeda for real this time.

Ever since this day every Non Muslim has feared Muslims and every Muslim has feared the Radical Muslims and the western world’s suspicion.
I have gotten sick of medias view of the events, I refuse to live in fear. I want to know the facts.

July 2005. The inevitable happened. Radical Muslims attack Great Britain in a carefully timed suicide bomb attack on London’s public transport infrastructure. And now a new day to speak of. 7/7. Apparently like September 11th, July 7th didn’t exist before 2005 either. But still lets press on.

The perpetrators claimed to be in retaliation to our own Prime Minister’s actions in the invasion of Iraq, which is understandable, as more people had been killed in Iraq since 2002, than multiple 9/11 attacks. But still I don’t condone their actions either.
The police with egg on their face as they failed to protect and serve their tax paying public, now had itchy trigger fingers.

Literally days later a Brazilian man, who’s name no one in the media can pronounce even to this day, was mistakenly gunned down at a London station by police and tried to lie to cover up their blunder the truth came out soon later. Including how they tried to resuscitate a man who had been shot multiple times in the head, a man who they thought was another suicide bomber.

Recently government member Jack Straw, caused conflict when he said that he want Muslim women to remove their shrouds, this caused a media storm.
I don’t know why, because this is a non-debate. As no one is going to ban the use of headscarves so why even talk about whether Muslim women should be allowed to wear them or not. All that occurred was tabloids planting seeds into the tiny minds of its readers. Making them discuss the subject, and showing how racist the British
Public still can be. This doesn’t help the racial tensions at all.

Jack Straw should have been sacked for wasting police time, as now there is more fear and racial hatred in Great Britain, and there is more potential for another terrorist attack on our soil.

I had only just left School when September 11th occurred; I was let out into the world away from full time education, with a head full of idealism and bright image for my own future. Then it happened. And I was showed that the world is full of people who want to hurt and kill for their ideals, from that day I decided to abstain from all religions, as it caused so much hurt, and I decided to live my life as right as my heart told me. As I have said in previous posts
“Life can be difficult sometimes, I don’t pretend that it is easy, but a person who bases their decisions on logic and ethics has made up their mind on at least 99% of the decisions already.”

Please don’t pander to a religious group or fear them. We should stop referring to good and bad Muslims the same as we don’t refer to good and bad Christians if we all use terminology like good or bad people, then we can all have a clear basis and role models to learn from and we can all be better people.

My final word on the matter.
Love everyone, not equally but individually.

"thinking outside the box"

2006-11-22T17:28:00.001Z

Soon I will be doing some sort of web broadcast utilising the Youtube service.
I might be able to reach a wider audience, and I might be funny enought to get my own series. only kiddin.

The Dark Side Of Music.

2006-10-21T13:23:00.000+01:00

As promised I’m going to talk about boy band and girl groups.

I seem to be the only person in the world with a problem with them, everyone thinks that I’m over reacting, and maybe you will too.

One thing that annoys me about them is that they think that they are talented rock stars. Jimi Hendrix played guitar with his teeth, Busted jumped up and down. And didn’t even play whilst doing it. No contest really.

I also have a problem with five men gyrating on a stage in front of young girls aged nine to fourteen. That’s very close to paedophilia in my eyes, and it should be stopped.

No doubt you have noticed the shocking and degrading publicity photo of TAKE THAT at the start of my post, feel free to refer back to this picture at anytime whilst reading, just in case you feel that you begin to disagree.

The lyrics of these boy bands are shocking too. They speak of subject matters such as sexual acts and a fake sense of romance, that if spoken in a movie would get a 15 certificate and would be shown after nine pm on television.

How can this be allowed with the current sense of mawkishness on the subject of paedophilia? In 2001 a satirical comedy was aired on channel four, called Brasseye.
Brasseye had gained infamy in 1996 when first aired, for causing knee jerk reaction by the British public on the subjects like sex, drugs and animal abuse. The morning after the late night television comedy was aired, the British public awoke to newspaper articles and reports slamming how shocking this show was. This “knee jerk reaction” was so quick I wonder whether most of the articles were written before the show was even aired.
The only people that publicly defended the programme was the NSPCC who campaign against child abuse, they thanked the makers of Brasseye for forcing the issue out into the open air. I agree.

To quote Chris Morris the writer and presenter of Brasseye “we have become a nation confused.” The daily star had an article on the brasseye special slamming it, but the page adjacent showed an article commenting on how big Charlotte Church’s breasts were getting, she was only fourteen at the time.

A year later everyone in the country went looking for two female twelve year-old Manchester United fans. They disappeared for nearly two weeks after a barbeque one summer Sunday afternoon in Soham, and in the mean time every news report showed updates of no news until they are found! Not realising that with every news report reduced the chances of the girls being seen alive tenfold. Sadly the two Girls were found in shallow graves in a nearby wood almost two weeks later. The person involved was arrested and his partner (who to this day we still don’t know what part if any she played in the crime) had eggs pelted at her by angry mobs created by the media led mourning that followed.

Girl groups also annoy me as these no-talent whores are allowed to throw sex in the faces of their audience, and they also have no moral standard as to what age group they do it to.

My next-door neighbours imitate dance moves from these music videos out on the street, its disgusting, and they are so young I doubt that they know that it is provocative or even what its meant to be provoking.

When I was at high school in the mid early to mid nineties. Several girls in my year so taken with Take That they carved the double T logo into their arms with the blades from pencil sharpeners. Needless to say I was shocked that girls of this age could do this. If this is one influence of boy band's effect on the youth of the U.K what are the others? Lets not forget the U.K has the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.

Take another look at the TAKE THAT picture if you think that I’m loosing you in my plight somehow.

Also my neighbour’s children play ball games on the road outside my house as opposed to the 20 acre park down the road, when asking the parents why they let them play in such a dangerous environment, their reply was that “there might be naughty men on the park”. Of course my instant reply was “well there might be cars on the road” why does this nation have such a sense of irrationality and mawkishness? Why do parents prefer their children to have an increased chance of being knocked over and killed by a car, than an unchanging chance of being sexually abused by a “naughty man”

Lets tie up all the confusion. But before you do, take one more deep breath and refer back to that awful picture at the start of this post.

If you are genuinely worried about your children having their innocence stolen. Then you should campaign to have all these boy band and girl groups banned and their lyrics edited to suit the way of life of its audience. And allow your children to experience their own lives the way they want with your own unique parental guidance not that of the record companies and band managers.

And if you are in a boy band and would like to be a remembered as a rock star, I can suggest that you die young and soon in a puddle of your own blood and vomit.

music

2006-10-16T21:21:00.001+01:00

Lets talk about music, or the state of music today.
I’m sick of hearing BBC’s Radio One constantly backslapping itself for giving us all the new music and the charts. Has anyone noticed that all the music sounds the same now, as if we have heard it all before somehow? I found that when Corinne Bailey Rae released her “girl put your record on” cliché earlier this year. I found myself thinking “have I heard this before, I couldn’t have it has only just been released”

Indie music isn’t the answer anymore either as a lot of the indie bands sound the same. I thought when Keane first burst on to the music scene that it was Travis, back and with some more upsetting sounds.

Rock bands waste time by clever writing lyrics only to drown them out with the same power chords that the bands that they would only refer to as “influences” chugged out before them.

The last couple of years saw some good tunes released by the Darkness the Kaiser Chiefs and Razorlight. But unfortunately these songs were over played by the radio stations and were ruined like a child with a new toy.
Everyone loved the Darkness and fans eagerly awaited their second album only to find out that they had gotten bored with their sound and the album was a flop. Lead singer then goes in to a clinic for his drug abuse and subsequently leaves the band that needs him; I doubt the darkness will survive for very long without Justin Hawkins.
How long before the same happens to the latest blue eyed boys of the music scene the Keiser Chiefs, will their second album be called “unemployment” and be sitting in a bargain bin of your local H.M.V next to a copy the Darkness’s last album “permission to disband”. It’s such a shame for these bands. Anything new gets destroyed and everything else gets re hashed into a new form. Bands get one chance from these record companies and if they fail after their first album, they can be dropped and the company can still make money off the first albums royalties.

The future lies with underground groups with strong fan bases like my favourite band the Levellers. Who continue to use everything they can to keep their fans informed about what they are doing. They use the Internet well has sites on myspace and actually post live acts on youtube for free. Collaborators like the Gorillaz are going to have a good future too as they have taken an average of all music, and have almost produced a definition of music by doing so. They will continue to make music regardless of what the audience wants.

What the hell are these “Cover” versions about? Now called “an artist’s interpretation of a song”. What artist will allow his work to be bastardised by some fraudster claiming intellectual property off your work? Do you realise that all memories of your efforts making that great music and the emotions that song produced for the audience all those years ago are gone and forgotten because some else wants to make money?

I want to release a single containing the “brown noise”. My plan is to put it to car advert where the car turns into a transformer and then proceeds to walk the family dog or something dafter than ice-skating (you know what advert I mean). Then Radio One will play this song constantly as if they are getting bribes from the car company to do so. Then the story ends by millions of fickle and fake music lovers shitting themselves.

I purposely omitted references to boy bands and girl groups, as they will have post all to themselves really soon.

Leave music making to the true artists.

$$$h

2006-10-16T17:22:00.000+01:00

I am getting very tired of people throwing money at problems, as if throwing money will make it go away. It doesn’t it will only move the problem to elsewhere.

My country has a problem. The problem is its own population. England is full of apathetic, labour voting, tabloid reading morons who think as they are told.

When speaking to some on the topic of politics I find that their views are ill informed and sometimes even bordering on racist.

Lets take the subject of immigration, as this is always a hot topic in “Merry Old England”. A lot of people complain about “Them commin over here and taking our jobs”. My view is simple that we shouldn’t let anyone else in this country for one reason. This reason isn’t based on race, colour or creed. I base it on the fact that the country is full. No room at the inn. If you look at a typical road atlas of Great Britain you will notice a hell of a lot of black writing there indicating where the villages and urbanised areas are. Only the Outer Hebrides is left as the true wilderness of the British Isles. And as far as employment and job security is concerned, I don’t care. You should make your own job security, by being good at your job and making sure you are worth every penny of your wage. We are just human resources after all. I have generally found that the people at my place of employment who complain about job security are generally the ones that sit around all day doing nothing themselves and playing solitaire or minesweeper on their company computers. Coincidence maybe.

After the Second World War, there was a massive baby boom. These children had the freedoms of the fifties and the sixties, and had at their disposals some of the greatest hopes and dreams for the future. Now they have grown up. They have spent thier parent's inheritance and the inheritance for thier children and sold them out to the lowest bidder. And they have clinically obese children, who refuse authority and defile their own environment. They go to schools where they are fed on a budget less than that of a convicted criminal, and they the parents look to television for guidance or comfort.

Going back to a previous post about consumerism, we can see how problems can occur when people are allowed to live in apathy. Money being thrown at a problem isn’t going to help anything. Effort needs to be applied to solve problems and an ethical approach to such problems is needed too. If you find yourself gaining weight and you have a problem about it. Do not spend money on quick fix things, like special food or exercise equipment, just eat less junk, eat more fruit and vegetables, exercise more, drink lots of water and turn off the central heating in your environment. You will find that you will loose weight really quickly. This is one example of idiots throwing money at a problem. I have many more, but I want you to try and notice some of your own.

Please don’t all become victims of apathy, if you have a problem try to understand it and find out what the problem really is whether it can be every truly eradicated.
Life can be difficult sometimes, I don’t pretend that it is easy, but a person who bases their decisions on logic and ethics has made up their mind on at least 99% of the decisions already.

unclear

2006-10-11T16:53:00.000+01:00

What is the point of nuclear weapons?
Little Boy the atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki and Hiroshima showed the planet the ultimate devastation created by such an invention, so much so that some argue that this was the true ending of the Second World War. As it was a frightening future if peace was not soon achieved.

Lets talk about innocence, in times of war.
Lets get one thing straight, if anyone picks up a weapon even in self-defence, you are no longer innocent. I’m getting very tired of hearing about soldiers deaths reported in the media. I have no sympathy as we don’t have conscription in this country anymore.
If you invade a country with the intention of attacking its occupants expect collateral damage. Expect that you could die.

I repeat, if you pick up a weapon, even in self-defence, you are no longer innocent.

I don’t claim my self as innocent either, just so you don’t think that my ego has swelled to Supreme Being importance. I spent over five years in the Army Cadet Force in my youth and reached the rank of Sergeant, so I am by no means innocent and definitely not ignorant of this subject either.

Why are you telling us this mike? What’s your problem? Well.
This week North Korea has tested at least one nuclear weapon.
This has dramatic repercussions for the world’s population, as North Korea is already on the most extensive hate list ever devised, George W. Bush’s Axis of Evil list.
Lets not forget that Iraq was invaded and destabilised due to the fraudulent intelligence that Saddam Hussein harboured weapons of mass destruction. Now North Korea has openly admitted and tested that it has such weapons.

Now lets get another thing straight, I have no problem with nuclear power, I think it has a lot of potential and needs to be studied more. But weapons on the other hand are a different kettle of fish, so to speak. Nuclear weapons are indiscriminate they can’t help but destroy innocent lives they are too devastating.
There was no need for North Korea to display this.

OH BY THE WAY. NORTH KOREA DIDN'T TEST THE NUCLEAR WEAPON. NORTH KOREA IS A COUNTRY. Certain members of the North Korean population intiated its nuclear programme and the this test.

Why are wars still fought? How can one man (now a politician) justify committing armies of essentially living people to kill other people just because he disagrees with another country’s leader’s views? I want to see Politicians fight, I mean really fight for their beliefs see how committed to their cause they really are. I think that would make BBC Parliament a hell of a lot more interesting. And it would certainly restore my faith in democracy too. As all this text voting for big brother and pop idol gives us a crude deluded democracy that needs changing really soon.

The Worst Thing Since Sliced Bread.

2006-10-08T19:33:00.000+01:00

Those master bakers at Kingsmill have cashed in on fussy eaters now.
Bread without crusts, called “Crusts Away”. Have we all gone mad?

Why do we need this sort of product?
Parents are already up in arms about the diet of our children. So why is there still a market for fussy eaters.

One example is Big Brother’s Nikki Graham who had a major tantrum because she couldn’t have any bottled water. Apparently this is all she drinks.
I would like to see her try and survive anywhere on earth, besides suburbia.

If this sort of over marketing to children isn’t stopped there will be a whole generation that will not know the sound of rivers and the taste of real foods like fruits and vegetables.

Allied Bakeries owners of the Kingsmill brand has recently came under fire, by upsetting Elvis fans, with their “by Appointment to the king” adverts. But nothing can upset an Elvis fan like dying from gluttony.

Thank You

2006-10-08T16:52:00.000+01:00

Thank you for all your interest in my blog but unfortunately I have decided not to have a comments section for you all.

This is a blog, not a forum. I hope this doesn’t discourage people from reading it, as that would be the last thing I would want. If need be start your own forum based on my soapbox if you so wish.

As Mark Twain once said if God had intended us to speak more than we listen, he would have given us two mouths and only one ear.

I have spent my whole life listening to others, and now I feel its my turn to speak. I was beginning to think that there was no point at all in even having one mouth. Hence the name “Mike’s Soapbox.”

I’m going to stick to airing my personal views. I’m sorry if you find my views offensive, my solution is for you start your own blog. I really don’t mind if you steal my views either, I think that the more people to hear different views the better.

If you do start any blog, forum or pod cast relating to this site then please let me know. My email address is the Levellers debut album with no spaces between words @hotmail.com. I have to be cryptic, as I do not want Spam etc.

Fondest thanks

Michael P. Wootton.
Of Mike’s Soapbox.

The Stars Shine On

2006-10-07T21:41:00.001+01:00

This is a song by a band that separated a few years ago now but this song is fantastic. I want to share with you it’s lyrical and poetic genius.
Ah yes. You might want to have a go by singing this in an Irish accent; in fact I’ll do it for you.

Some people say that you are what you eat,
But in that case I’m nothing.
I don’t eat any vegetables. I don’t eat any meat.
I’m as empty as an unused coffin.

My thoughts are just reactions out of touch with my emotions,
I’m as shallow as a puddle in the sun (puddle in the sun)
And my life’s not that appealing cos I don’t have any feeling.
I wanna have little bit of fun.

And when I walk alone at night and think about it all.
In relation to the stars in the sky my trouble seems so small.
The nearest star so far away, and bigger than the sun and I’m just one.

When I compare me, to the galaxy.
My troubled soul begins to see.
I’m a grain of sand on the biggest beach.
And there are places my annoyances will never reach.

I don’t affect the colour of the Milky Way.
They are only really relevant today.
In a million years they’ll have disappeared.
My tears and fears won’t count in anyway.

But the stars shine on. (Repeat and fade plus instrumental)

Taken from the Album “Bummer” by the band “watercress.”
Rare as rocking horse shit now, especially my signed copy.

Just Some Questions.

2006-10-04T17:24:00.000+01:00

How come it is taking Homo sapiens such a long time to sort things out for themselves?

It is thought that humans first began to think creatively over two hundred thousand years ago, so why do we still have problems socially, politically and well generally. Did the first human to think this way suddenly snap and grunt, “Why am I surrounded by idiots?” and then did he proceed to build a big wall around himself and his family group, away from the rest?

Is it a desire for more? And if it is, why should we have more? How can we justify having more?

Why are there such things as charities? I hate idea really. I always find myself asking the question “Why does a problem exist to such an extent to require other people to throw money at it?” and also “does just throwing money at a problem make it go away?”
I’ll give you a for instance. I’m doing my bit for the children’s charity the “NSPCC” by not abusing children. Now you see where I’m coming from. If everyone asked himself or herself what was the right thing to do, then surely everyone would be happier.
Why are there times of plenty and times of need, when every living thing on this planet can have exactly what it needs.

I remember after the invasion of Iraq in 2002, Tony Blair announcing that the Coalition was re-opening the “Oil-for-Food” programme. I thought how about no? How about give them fair trade on both items?

Why are we still fighting? Who says this patch of earth is yours or mine? Why are there people willing to kill for resources? Why don’t we share and we’ll all have more than enough?

Hang On to Your Ego.

2006-10-03T21:52:00.000+01:00

What is wrong with people?
I don’t understand why humans don’t like listening to reason or logic.
They think I’m taking the piss or having a go. Everything I say that is blatantly fact is quickly squashed for no logical reason whatsoever. I have begun to think I’m in some sort of “Truman Show” conspiracy thing, which is of course ridiculous, wink nudge etc and welcome to the most read blog in the universe.

However I normally find my views vindicated later on though, through the natural course of time and space, but at this point everyone has conveniently forgotten what I have said so there is no point in reiterating logic to the deaf ears.

I just want to say some things that I have known and understood from a very early age. Now I understand that this, for some isn’t the most palatable news you will hear today.
We are all made up of energy. Energy in different forms like heat, light, chemical, electrical etc and we are all made up of atoms too which are made up of energy also.
And energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. Well according to current scientific beliefs anyway.

Life is the accumulation of random events that occurred here and now over a relatively short period of time on a planet that has the So-called goldilocks effect, everything being “just right”.

I mean look at the Earth. We are standing on a ball of red hot molten rock, only the outer layer is cool enough to support life and this layer can be so thin that the true nature of the earth can be seen underneath. And we are built from atoms that were once part of this planet. We are built form bits of this and bits of that like our food and the air we breathe.

So in conclusion, we are all one. And my energy is yours and the Earth’s that you exist on. Stop, look and listen to each other and the Earth and lets all evolve together in unison.
Why do we try to protect ourselves against unpalatable truths? Why not embrace and accept them, and potentially learn from them too?

How Mike Saved Christmas.

2006-09-21T16:14:00.000+01:00

There is now ONLY 89 shopping days left till Christmas.
So get yourselves out to the shops and buy some useless bit of gubbins for that special friend or relative that you don’t bother with for 364 days of the year.

Whether you like it or not you have to do this. If you don’t you’ll feel cheap. What happens if they buy you something you didn’t want or need this year. You know this because the same thoughts crept into your head last year.

Lets get something straight, as clearly most of the population of my country do not know this, but this is really irrelevant, as these same people would never read my blog.

Christmas day is the Christian festival that originates back to around two thousand years ago. Yes this is a geological blink of an eye, but some religious types feel that it holds some significance to them and we must bend over backwards to appease them at all costs.

Well apparently two thousand years ago a fourteen year old girl who got pregnant by a man that was not her husband. And told her husband an angel did it. Now I myself would search the village for this Gabriel with the intention of smashing his bones out.

Well after a little persuasion Mary travelled to Bethlehem on a donkey with her “Forest Gump” of a husband. Only to find out that they should have booked ahead, as there was no room in the inn. The innkeeper didn’t throw out one of his other customers and saying “Wait this woman is heavily pregnant and needs a bed.” No, he did the right thing and let the little chav sleep in the stable.

Amazingly three men arrived by coincidence, proclaiming that they were really wise or something, and gave the supposed son of the almighty material possessions such as gold, frankincense and the other thing, of which were of absolute no use to the Son of God, as he thinks he created them anyway. Really wise men you see.

Ever since this night a new faith has dominated the planet Christianity, and now because of the daft events of December 25th everyone buys everyone material gifts that mean nothing to the person receiving such items. And about a week before Christmas day people feel the need to cut down and kill an evergreen tree and bring it indoors out of its natural environment, to let it decompose in our lounge.

My advice is if you don’t believe in Christianity don’t celebrate Christmas.

If you are going to spend money on a gift make sure you care about the person enough to know that the gift will be useful.

Christmas day is celebrated on the 25th of December, not a day before.

Christmas is not spelled X-mas.

This is how Mike saved Christmas.

Addicts

2006-09-19T18:38:00.000+01:00

I started my own blog because I am angry at how bad the world is becoming and what sort of world that my generation will inherit.

I am an atheist. I won’t debate the ins and out of atheism, I will do this some other time, probably after the next terror attack or when George W Bush lets loose his Christian Crusade army on some poor unsuspecting Ex-friend of the United States.

Being an Atheist you might be prone to thinking that I lack faith and have no concept of religion whatsoever. You would be incredibly wrong, I have learnt about the customs and beliefs of most religions on the planet, in order to conclude to abstain from religion. In some cases I have known more about a person’s religion than someone who actively practices that faith.

As “faith” goes I have plenty of “faith”, as I believe that one day a sadder and wiser hominid will emerge from the rubble of our civilisation and it will have the experience not to let this happen again.

Ever since Thomas Edison invented the light bulb. The world has had the so called luxury or a twenty-four hour society, where its occupants can travel where ever they like, do the things they want, and have modern living made easier by gadgets and gizmos.

We have all became addicts of consumerism, myself included. Everyone has had this society sold to him or her for a tidy profit, and we have had no choice about it. Ever since we were born we have been told what products companies make and why we need to spend money on it. A form of taxation if you want to go that far.

I don’t believe that consumers are deceived, by these faceless corporate entities that have the same basic rights as a human except with the added bonus of being immortal, and infallible. I do believe however that, they are seducing us, the way that a magician uses slight of hand in an illusion. So I believe that it is our fault we let them seduce us.

We all have free will, we all have the choice to buy or not to buy, and we need to decide whether we need weetabix with raisins or if we can buy them separately. What ever happened to just the butcher, baker and candlestick maker?

If one day it gets to the stage where we HAVE to buy bottled water from a supermarket,
Someone please do the honest and right thing and ask “Why what’s wrong with the river?”

I can tell you what happened to the river, our river. Its full of our effluent and detritus that we have expelled as easily as it came into our lives, I doubt Mac Donald’s actually litters my home town with empty boxes and cartons, but I know the consumers of such products do.

It’s a fact Climate change is happening, whether by our hand, or by Gaia just waking up. It should not be up to the governments of the worlds to instigate change; it should be up to you, them, and me. as we have caused the problems, by our greed and ignorance. A government cannot possibly legislate all of us now. We are too numerous, too unpredictable and fickle all at the same time.

My parent’s generation is only just noticing the mistakes it has made by seeing the rise in heart disease and obesity. This is because parents of today are greedy and they don’t look after their children because they want to go back to work, to get money and have nice things.

Instead children have relied on television as a babysitter and their sole educators. They are fed convenience food, as “mother” has forgotten how to cook or is too busy with her laptop to notice that her child weighs the same as her and it is only ten. It has also been said that children of today will be the first generation that will die before their parents. Being a cornucopian as well as an atheist, I would just put this down to experience.

Two days ago a self confessed brand addict burnt all his branded goods for the media to see, it didn’t work, looters swept in to the scene and took what ever was left that looked of any worth.

This tidily brings me back to my faith. As I know this blog will fall upon deaf ears.
But it doesn’t matter because we are all under the illusion that we need food to live, and so therefore we need money to buy it, so we work for the money, but we buy the cheapest food as then we can buy more. A cycle of greed you see.

And one day when that hominid emerges, it will look at the rocks that we once walked on, just as geologists do today and it would wonder and theorise about the end of the Holocene.

Idiots and thier slush puppies.

2006-09-18T16:04:00.000+01:00

Last night I spent about 10 minutes waiting at a bar trying to get served.
It appeared to be the only place in Leicestershire that you could wave money around and not have it taken off you.

I finally found my place at the bar after the Topshop Army had finished having some icey juice drink made in front of them that took five minutes to make, and all of 20 seconds for them to neck it.

Then I found that girls (who have yet to understand the concept of buying rounds)were getting served ahead of me, even one bastard that knew I was next and still took advantage of the barmans stupidity.

livid I turned on my heels having not bought drinks.
I refuse to go in "Fat Cats" again.

My conclusion that the General population have had manners diluted by years of commerce and the ignorant belief that they have more rights than anyone else.